To be frank, no one can say for sure whether the next relationship that our ex gets into would last long or not, but you'll also have to think logically about it and realize that after 4 years of being together with one person, getting into a new relationship with someone else would come across as novel and exciting. It may not be awhile until it actually hits him, and he realizes that he had lost something valuable (you), and decides to talk to you again, especially if the new relationship starts giving him problems.
I really need some advice, my ex and I have known each other since childhood. One day last year he started flirting online with me and then we started texting and really hit it off. He lived out of state and I wasn’t ready for long distance, but he still kept trying for me. So after months of flirting and falling more and more I decided we can give long distance a try since he comes back to our home town often and I can go visit him. After a few months of that things were good and he actually as able to move back home and we were so perfect for each other. Saw each other all the time and fell more in love, spent time with both our families all the time and every one was happy. Then my life got stressful with work and studying for Med school applications. And he got a new job that was very demanding and took a lot of his time. I noticed things became distant when he didnt have time to see me or even just relax with me, he always had work first and his family is also very demanding and took a lot of his time as well. I was planning on talking to him about the issues but he’s not one to be up front and talk things out, he rather tell me “its okay ” so i thought there were no issues, when in reality i pushed him to far and kept asking to see him or plan things or complain when he didnt even have energy to talk after work. We had date night once a week and i would see him maybe once or twice on weekends and that was okay with me, but i still made him feel bad about it. One day he had so much work he asked for me to leave him alone for a weekend and that upset me and i ended up calling him one to many times, and he exploded and told me he can’t do this any more that he needed his space and to break up, he said he wanted to figure himself out and get his life in order and that he felt bad that he didnt have the time a girl friend like me deserves and that he didnt want to hurt me anymore. I was devastated, this messed up my studying and my life for weeks. We didnt communicate for a week then i ran into him at an event, we talked some but knew it wasn’t the right time or location for a chat like this. Then we talked a few days later but everyone was still heated, he said he didnt have the answers i needed and he doesn’t know what the future holds and that he’s sorry he had to do this to me and hopes we can be friends later that we just need space now. Yet he says he cares about me and still has feelings for me. Im so confused, and probably asked to soon if he can see himself with me again, since he did the same exact thing to his last girlfriend for the same reasons and took her back. He tells me he doesn’t know what our future will be more then friends or not and doesn’t want to give me false hope…. If he worked on his own issues and i worked on mine could we get back together in a few months? he keeps saying i did nothing wrong and its all him and his own issues, but i know i was needy and acted ways I’m not proud of. I was just so scared to lose him i ended up pushing him away. I just want to know how to get him back or make him realize if we just talk about our issues instead of running from them maybe things would be smoother when were both on the same page. I really love him and deep down know he still cares for me and loves me. Im just so scared to say the wrong things now and push him away even more. He is having a major surgery soon and i care so much, but don’t want to make him think I’m needy. Could he really have his own personal issues? or did he just use that excuse to let me down easy? He tells me there is no one else but i don’t want him to move on without me during this space period if we don’t talk about things. Please help I’m a lost soul, this is my first heart break and after over a year of talking and almost 9 months dating i just can’t see why he would leave me so suddenly with out answering any questions. Is there any way to get him back? I try to contatct him as little as i can so he has space but its hard and we are still friends on social media even though he deleted all signs of our relationship together. i just worry so much that i lost my best friend and will never have him back in my life as even a friends. When we do talk i ramble and talk in circles and i know thats pushing him away more so I’m trying to stop. I just over think everything and always questioned everything and i guess it showed I’m insecure when i really have bad anxiety over a lot of things. he was always so supportive and calming and then he just left me over one fight, our first fight….I just want to talk about all i have thought about since he left me and how i hope to fix things so we can grow together. what should i do!? sorry for the long post I’m just a very confused heart broken girl who lost the love of my life, at 25! thanks for the help

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The first time you meet will bring both of you closer. It is best to meet over coffee or something both of you enjoy. There is no point in talking to him about your relationship at all. Talk about neutral things like his work or things he is going through in his life. Be happy and don’t act desperate or depressed. No one wants a needy person. Talking about the relationship might not be the right thing to do since both of you might not be on the same emotional footing.

We don’t like to call each other “ex”, so my friend and I were together, but we broke up a year ago due to a stressful issue. We have remained friends, and still wished to be together. But now, he is starting to date someone else who is more similar to him. I did some stupid things, and it felt like I got this big slap in the face- he was always right. He always was telling me things that were disconnecting us that were things I needed to work on. He admitted to me that he was scared of being with me, let alone staying friends. I’ve told him that I felt this slap and everything and that I’m going to change because I’ve been making myself unhappy. But I’m also very determined to reestablish our relationship as a couple and not just friends. I’m scared of what will happen, but I know I have to move forward and be better for myself. I realized I’ve been letting my emotions control me and that it has been destroying myself and my relationships with other people. He is someone I see frequently (fyi, not a co-worker) and we text a lot still. I’m still afraid. He loved me once, he even got me a promise ring of sorts… If he sees me changing for the better, will I still have a chance? The fear comes with the fact that there is another woman who could steal his heart. Yet the funny thing is, she loves and adores me beyond anything. I am not sure if she is romantically interested in him, but I definitely wouldn’t call it unlikely. She also knows my history with him. It’s tough, but I want to become the woman he always thought I could be, which is someone amazing. I don’t really know what I’m asking now, I think I just need some support and to know that I’m doing the right thing, and that I’ll be okay… I can’t just forget about how much I want him back by my side. 

How To Get Over Your Boyfriend's Ex Girlfriends


Hi Lauren, I have a question that is related in a big way, but not too related in others. You mentioned the concept of men doing the pursuing and women doing the recieving. I'm on my 4th Mars Venus book - Mars and Venus on a Date - and I noticed that this is a huge theme in the book. So my question is: What do you do if a guy gives you his number and says "call/text me"? When I first met my ex, I felt like I was pursuing him a bit because this is the way he approached me. We met working on a project, but to build off of our newfound friendship I attempted to flirt and create the opportunity for him to pursue me. We dated for about a year and I thought he could have been the one - until recently when we hit a wall in communicating that I felt I had to end it (since then I've been educating myself through therapy and Mars Venus books!). But, while at the time I never questioned the success/failure in me doing some reaching out, looking back now I'm wondering if that's something I could have done differently? The problem is, I wouldn't know how! It's a tricky situation. What happened was, like I said, he gave me his number (without me asking for it) and said to contact him. So I did and it went well! Then for our first date, from what I remember, I suggested that it would be nice to get to know eachother more. He told me to let him know when I wanted to go out. I pushed back this time and insisted that he should be the one asking me out, but he refused. To refrain from more back and forth, I planned the date. After that he became much more assertive and started asking me out and presenting me with ideas. But I'll be honest, I was a little turned off at his insecurity at first. He later told me he wanted to ask me out but was just very nervous, so I decided not to dwell on it and just appreciate that it worked out despite how it happened. But because I didn't want to do the pursuing, how would I have gotten him to do it?
There could be a variety of reasons for her hot and cold behavior, and its hard to speculate what it might be. I would suggest continuing to text her but try to liven up the conversation topics whenever possible, and back away whenever she becomes cold so as to not end up overthinking and confronting her about it. Give her some room to ease back into this a step at a time, and try not to build up your expectations right now or get emotional if she doesn't respond the way you want her to.
"While there are two sides to every story, there are often a few factors that are highlighted within a breakup," says sexologist Megan Stubbs. "What makes this time different than the time before? And how will you communicate that to your partner in a way that might make them open to a second chance?" Try to be as neutral as possible in your recollections. Seeing your part in a breakup can help you figure out whether it's a good idea to give things a second shot.
I’m sure that you’ve heard the saying the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence quite a few times before. It is very very relevant to love and relationships as well. After being with someone for a long time it is easy to be tempted by something new or to get bored! Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you can easily find someone better!
I was clingy, had low self esteem, needy and jealous. The break up was shocking, he took a week and a half to tell me if he wanted space or if he wanted a break up. He was chatting with an 18 year old. He was telling me he doesn't love me anymore and when he hug me he said he wish he could feel by there is nothing, he withdrew from me emotionally 2 months before we broke up. When I was packing his stuff I found something he wrote that he didn't find me attractive. After the break up I was trying to convince him and did testing terrorism until he said to text him only when it's business related. So did one week no contact and called to talk to him about the outstanding bill I was still upset and sent a text to apologize. He called next day and he was upset and sent a text apologizing. I did 2 weeks no contact and called yesterday since he been telling ppl that I wasn't paying him attention and also thinks I do by love him. So I called and ask if we can meet weekend to talk and he said yes. He still have stuff at my place and he coming to pick some up. Today I went to his work to get my keys from him because he still had my keys. He couldn't look at me but did when he hand me my keys, I was acting happy. He said so whenever I needn't get something from the house inbred to contact you and I replied yes I am paying the rent and so I went and havnt made contact however he said he will come weekend. My ex came over for some of his stuff was amazed how the house looked, I did some rearranging. He said twice that the house looks nice and that I looked happy and then stated that he was probably the one holding me back. He said this about 2 times, the second time he said it I ask why he is saying something like that and he said he said he know perhaps he just feels guilty and so I told him that he wasn't holding me back and then he notice I had a mini burn on my hand and ask me what happened I told him I got burnt from the stove. And so ..
This is such garbage. Look at what you’ve written: you must be tremendously happy being single with all your options open, so you can find a guy to get tied down with which will make you tremendously happy. Forget this obsession with ‘happiness’, it is a magazine-culture poisonous idea. Accept that you will go through misery after a breakup, if you lived them, but that you will heal. Take it from me, many guys cannot stand these ‘perfectly happy’ women, they can smell a rat a mile off and know it’s fake. Guys realise there is pain in life, and that women go through it as much as they do.

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You'll have to understand that being good friends have nothing to do with the relationship once you get involved with each other and promises to remain good friends should the relationship fail simply holds no value anymore. As for the reason why he broke up with you, it often is due to taking the other party for granted, and growing intolerant to that person over time. This results in one party feeling tired of being in the relationship and simply pushing blame and thinking whatever the other person does is wrong.


We lived together only once before this last time, you see his mom was diagnosed with a rare cancer and he and his sister basically did it all(their dad just couldn’t handle it emtionally, I guess. I even helped with cleanings) she died slowly and painfully in the house. While his sister lived down the street with her husband he and his dad stayed there and then I moved in. It wasn’t ideal only in the sense of living under the same roof his mom died and it wasn’t our home, but I didn’t want to say anything cause she was his rock. We had our ups and downs we didn’t necessarily fight (rarely raised our voices)more like bickered and yes I nagged:/
Relationships are like roller-coaster ride there are some good romantic days while there is some tough days as well. Breakups are also part of any relationship there are many couples who broke their relationships many times and then they get back together. Breakups are not always the end of relationship sometime breakups can provide you opportunity to get back and create stronger relationship than before.
We both met through gay dating app in Feb-2018 and loved each other for 3 months and both used to express our love indirectly where my boyfriend used to like me a lot and used to chat with me daily with lot of interest and enthusiasm and use to share his pics where he goes and use to say everything. And we celebrated the first two months anniversary too . In 4th month that is in May-2018 i expressed to him directly that i love him and he said i liked you as a friend and but i could sense at that time he likes me but not expressing. Slowly he lost interest in me and but used to chat with me daily.
Perhaps it would be good for you to also do the same, and show him that you're doing just as well. If he's lost the spark with you over the course of the relationship and you want him back, you're going to have to find a way to re-create that spark again (physical attraction, emotional attraction, etc) and your best chance would be when you meet him again to pick your stuff up.
Truth is that our bodies and heads tell us to act in a certain way after a break up, we act on impulse and our emotions. This is not a good idea as you may already know. It is common to be tearful and erratic, not knowing where to turn, sometimes we can blurt things out to our ex boyfriends that we regret later. Everybody does it, it is human nature to do so, but the thing that you have to remember is that you have to fight against these urges if you are to be successful in making him see you positively and want you back again.

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Hi. I'm currently on day 14 of no contact. And my ex has started a conversation for the third time in these two weeks. I keep the conversation short and unemotional like a friendly acquaintance. As stated by the no contact rules. However the undertone of her messages seem to tell me she misses me and perhaps even wants me back. I'm not sure of this because she doesn't say it with so many words I just seem to feel something. Should I risk it and break protocol of no contact and skip the 16 remaining days and ask her out for coffee already? Because if shes in the missing me phase already she might be over it later on. Although you guys say the missing phase can take a while. But still. Why take the risk? I hope you can clarify that for me :)

So if your relationship with your ex stayed the same after 6 months or after a year (in other words if it failed to evolve and grow) then it would have violated her desire for progression. It would have made her realize that you are not the guy who’s going to give her a long-term partnership and finally a family. She would then have seen you as a poor suitor, dumped you and gone off to find a guy who shows more signs of commitment.

on Tuesday after work he like came up to me and was like “i’m gonna start writing down my feelings, that’s what you're doing right?” and so i was like “yeah it’s this book” cuz i had the book with me. then he was like oh lemme read it so i was like okay pick a page so he did and then he read that page but then he ended up reading more. after i took the book off him he tried to take it back off me and while he did that he cut me by accident and my finger started bleeding. then he holds my finger and say “i'm sorry i feel really bad” and i say oh its fine dw about it. THEN he kisses my finger. then after a while he was sitting there lookin all sad and so i was like what’s wrong? and he was like can i talk to you outside and so i was like okay. then we go outside and he was like “I didn’t even realize this but i still love you so so much” and he was like almost crying so i was like aww come give me a hug so he hugged me and it was like really tight hug like it was different. but then he’s like but i dont wanna give you false hope.so i was like yeah okay i know. then Thursday he tells the girl he's "moved on" to that he likes her and that’s okay whatever it’s his choice but then on friday he tells my friend on snap chat that he still has romantic feelings for me.

Truth is that our bodies and heads tell us to act in a certain way after a break up, we act on impulse and our emotions. This is not a good idea as you may already know. It is common to be tearful and erratic, not knowing where to turn, sometimes we can blurt things out to our ex boyfriends that we regret later. Everybody does it, it is human nature to do so, but the thing that you have to remember is that you have to fight against these urges if you are to be successful in making him see you positively and want you back again.

Males can sometimes have this tendency where we internalize our thoughts and emotions too much, that something may be bothering him but he never said it out, and in the end only acted upon his feelings without really giving you a chance to explain or understand what was going through his mind. Perhaps you could ask him and try to find out what it is, and whether its something that can be worked on together.


But sometimes filling your life with positive things is not enough. In fact, having a good vibe isn’t really about having the things you love around you or trying to imprint the idea that you feel good into your mind. It’s more about removing the self-destructive, negative thinking (and the behavior that the negative thinking creates) – i.e. changing the lens that you see the world yourself and your situations through. 

Regardless of whether you decide to move on or attempt to win him back, you should still be spending time working on yourself first and foremost. Contacting him again or moving on would be something you decide to do after that, and you'll have to be mentally prepared that he may not see you the same way as 'best friends' again after the transition from being friends to having a romantic involvement to not working out.
"Typically, when a relationship ends, there may be pain, sadness, or negative feelings on one side or both," says Dr. Amie Harwick, MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in West Hollywood. "When considering getting back with an ex, one must consider if they can work through the differences." And while we can’t directly tell you which are good reasons to get back together with an ex, it's a smart idea to consider why you got together with this person in the first place. Are those the reasons you want them back? Do they outweigh the reasons why you broke up? Then there may be reasons to proceed.

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