To reply to Renne’s comment, you should act happy. Not overly happy, as if you are just so glad that you are single but you should be the same vibrant girl that he fell in love with. He liked you from the beginning because you were happy and were out there living your life and doing you. So, be that same girl that is still out there living her life regardless of him. A man doesn’t want your happiness to be based on him or what he does. He needs a girl that is going to be just fine with or without him. You should still be there to listen if he wants to talk but do not force him to talk about anything he doesn’t want to. He’s not trying to shut you out. He just needs space to get it figured out on his own. And being able to figure things out on his own is something that builds confidence in himself and will help him be ready for you sooner rather than later. So, give him space. Be happy regardless. And be there for him when/if he needs you… but no pressure.

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Just imagine a scenario where you don’t want to talk to a person and they are sending you a text message every 5 minutes. Your inbox is filled with hundreds of messages by them, even though you haven’t replied to even one. And later on at night, that person gets drunk and calls you and start saying complete and utter non-sense. What would you think of that person? Would it make you want to start a new relationship with them?
I’ve noticed in the comment section that comments aren’t replied to often by the author of the article, so I decided to give a response in hopes to help in some way. I think you should do what it says in the article. Stop focusing on getting him back and focus on yourself. I can tell you the more you chase a guy, the further he’ll run, so you really do need to stop reaching out to him and leave him alone as he requested. It feels counterintuitive, but I promise you the more you chase him the faster you’ll push him away. Leave him alone, and focus on yourself. Don’t look at him as your only source of happiness. If he is, you need to start building your life with things that make you happy—like the article says. It doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be sad and grieve the breakup; but you need to take care of yourself emotionally regardless. Show yourself there’s more to your life and your happiness than Marc. It sounds to me like he’s not mature enough to be in a relationship if he can’t handle the normal struggles in life and meet your needs. In a relationship, even when things get really tough, you still have to be willing to make the relationship a priority. If he keeps breaking up with you every time he’s in a bad place emotionally, he’s not handling the balance of life and a relationship. It’s not your fault. And I don’t know if you can get him back. I think the important thing though is to love yourself FIRST, always. You really need to evaluate if you want a partner who leaves you every time things get tough. You can’t control him—you can only control yourself. So make changes in yourself. Stop being focused on him and getting him back, and get focused on you—just as he is doing. Put yourself first. Any of these relationship experts will tell you if you want your ex back, you have to work to getting over them first. That also sounds counterintuitive, but it isn’t. It helps you really get a clear mind on if this person is compatible to you or not, and it allows the person to miss you and realize their mistake if it was one. When you’re in this fog of heartbreak and love, you can’t look at it from a clear perspective, and if you keep contacting him you’re not giving him a chance to miss you. He has to miss you and have time apart from you to realize his mistake, if it is one. Take a step back and work on making yourself happy. I promise you, if he really wants you, he will come back and pursue you. You have to make sure you still want him at that point—and above all else BE SURE to continue to focus on your happiness FIRST even if you do get back together with him. The time for him to come back (if he does) really varies. Sometimes it’s a month, sometimes it’s a year. But you cannot wait for that. You have to work on moving on, even if he comes back. That’s going to give you your best shot at getting him back, and your best shot at being happy.
You are hilarious!! I am laughing so loudly whilst reading your articles….I’m scaring my dogs! I came across your website while I was googling and trying to understand why my now ex-fiance ‘assbag’ of 4 years breaks up with me (2nd time in 3 months), demands no contact then calls me, bawls during the conversation then tells me “he says he needs space” AGAIN…. he did this 3 months ago also…so now I’m thinking he’s emotionally inept and I’m left feel totally confused. But I am finding your articles are helping me alot….so thank you!!!!
The day we broke up, we went out fishing with two friends and it was really cool, and we went to see some of his friends play handball ( which is a very important part of his liife, but i have never played, so don’t really care, but I wanted to make the effort for him and to be with him). I was doing so good until he decided to go play ball with his friends during half time, leaving me alone on my chair, while I had come to be with him. There were two people I had talked to before close by ( which was his excuse to leave me) but they were talking the foreign language and imagine how hard it is to engage in the conversation when you don’t know what it,s about and you need to switch language… So i got mad at him and told him it wasn’t cool to leave me on my own.

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If you wish to avoid this Monotony of Relationship then you have to increase your value higher than the level you had before your previous relationship. You can surely increase your value with some actions that you will find later in this website but for now I want you to consider becoming the girl that you were before getting into your previous relationship.

For the last 3 yrs I was the one who reach out to him every time he leave, now I am applying the no contact, is been 2 weeks, is been hard but I told myself I will have to keep my ground for at least 3 months before I consider reaching out to him. Do you think he will reach out to me this time around? if so, any idea after how long he will reach out to me? I think I may got him used to me giving in all the time.
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Hello, me and my ex boyfriend recently broke up about a month ago. Currently I am trying the no contact rule, but it's impossible for me not to see him due to the fact we attend the same workplace. Also we share the same close friends, so sometimes when out with friends he's there and at parties, but we never speak at all during them. A few days after the break up, I wrote him a letter appolising and asking if we could be friends (I think this was a bad idea to do this and I got no reply or anything from him). Also I wrote in the letter that I was okay with his decision to break up, but I wasn't. In a few weeks I want to try and contact him and speak as friends. I would prefer to do this via text as he ignores every call, and as soon as he sees me in person he gets as far away as possible. I just don't know want to say to him after this no contact period, or how to get him to want to talk to me. Could you please help me or give me any advice at all. I would really really appreciate it and be really grateful. I would be so so thankful if anyone could help at all. My email is [email protected]

Who has this worked for? I don’t expect people will immediately believe me that this works. At least not until I share more with you. Most people who start looking for solutions are skeptical. In fact, many of our long time readers said they were skeptical when getting started. But now many of those who have followed the advice I’m giving you, are back together with their ex.
Since she may honestly be expecting you to come across as intense and want to have a serious conversation, perhaps it might be better to do the opposite and start by being light hearted and while addressing some of the issues during the breakup may be needed, at least ensure that she has a good time and that stress isn't added onto her plate now or she wouldn't even want to consider the idea of getting back together. By letting her enjoy the weekend (and date with you so to speak), you at least 'show' her with your actions that you're capable of change and that you understand how stressed she is and you just wanted to help her unwind - which could work a lot more positively in your favor than having a serious talk.

a. Learning from the affair: Peter wrote out the series of misteps that he had allowed himself to take down the road to sexual betrayal. He listed what had motivated each step — and also what would have been far better options for responding to his concerns at each point in the pathway. He identified the specific situational, thoughts and feeling cues that triggered each step, and the alternative action he would take in the future in response to each cue.
Right now, I’m going through the exact same thing. My ex broke up with me after he lost his father. We were together 3 years and lived together for just over 2 years. I love the idea of your relationship is what it is right now regardless of a title because that’s exactly how it is for us right now and I see how my being happy and poaitive now has made a huge change in how we interact with one another. My plan is to go on the market and really be open to what life has to bring my way, even if it’s not my ex in the future.
Ok sorry about how long this is going to be. So my ex and I were together for about 3 months and while that may be short it was great and we were both very happy. Unfortunately she started stressing because she was afraid of committing to a relationship. I also started stressing because she has lots of guy friends and she was hanging out with one a lot but now i know theres nothing between them. So after I started noticing that she was distancing herself so after a month of her distancing herself I asked what was going on and I asked for better communication. Then she said that we should just be friends and I was upset by this. A lot lol. So first week or 2 I was really upset and she could tell. After that I did NC for 2 weeks. After that I texted her a bit and got a very positive response, but after I realized I really wasn't ready to talk to her again so I did NC a week later for a month. During that NC she tried to talk 3 times and at the end of the month her best friend texted me and told me that she was really upset that I wasn't talking to her. So later that day my ex contacted me and said she was really upset and she missed me. So after that we started talking again and it was great for the next 2 months but eventually I started stressing because I over think all the time. She asked what was wrong and I broke and told her I really missed us being together and I understood that she probably didn't feel the same. After that I realized I hadn't really changed in the past few months so I did NC again this time for 2 months and I read your articles. She only contacted me once to say happy birthday but that's not important. After NC i did the elephant in the room and we are now talking again every day for hours. She regularly makes physical contact (playfully) and she really likes talking and hanging out with me. I'm just confused and I need help. I don't know what to do. I know she still really cares about me but she probably doesn't feel ready for a relationship still. What do I do now? Thanks and sorry for making this so long
All you want to do is to throw yourself back in your ex-boyfriend’s arms again, but such a course of action is unproductive and unhelpful. Your ex-boyfriend needs to realize that there’s a big, gaping hole where you used to be, and you need to use that kind of distance and longing to your advantage in order to bring about positive change. All men are attracted to independent and confident women, and your ex-boyfriend is certainly no different.

Thank you very very very much for the advice! Everyone: follow this advice exactly and there is not a chance you’ll not have the desired result! Actually I’m a mum and used this article to advice my girl who was separated and very miserable She followed exactly what I told her and I prayed it would work as I had no experience at all It worked!! It worked great actually and under the worst circumstances!! Thank you is not enough really!


Remember; do not talk about the relationship during this date. Just talk about the things going on in your life and ask them about their life. And you actually have to have something going on in your life to talk about. You cannot tell them how you spend all night yesterday watching reruns of Jersey Shore in your bed. This is another reason why completing Step 2 is so important. 

6. Wait, don't carried away quite yet! Remind yourself of why things didn't work out the first time around and look for clues to whether things would be any different now. If you broke up because he partied too hard, for instance, notice how much he drinks or how he talks about his nightlife. It would suck to get back together only to discover that the same problems are still haunting you. So take it slow and trust your gut.
He thinks he still controls the situation and is clearly taking you for granted that he has the option to come back at any time he wants whenever he feels like it. You need to regain control of your life and family, make the decision to walk away and until he realizes his mistakes, he isn't going to change or be a good role model for your kids. He needs to realize that his actions are wrong and not acceptable to his family, and he needs to begin respecting you or at least fear the reality of you leaving permanently. The best way to do that is to walk away and treat the situation as it is - an unacceptable one where he can't have the best of both women and not take responsibility for the kids or when things get tough, and drink away his problems.
First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

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Hi Adirubbo, this is actually a really common frustration for women in the dating scene (a guy giving you his number and acting more passive rather than pursuing) and I'm working on an ebook/video training to help with this exact issue. But to give you a quick answer now, you did great. You let him know what kind of dates you liked going on and then he became more confident in how to please you, that's when he started taking charge. The more confident a man feels that he can make you happy, the more take charge he'll become. The trick for a woman is always: "How can I be pro-actively receptive in this dynamic?" Keep looking for those opportunities and you'll be fine. And if you want to learn more about this, make sure you're signed up for email updates. Hope this helped!...
Send her a letter. Girls also love letters, because they take a lot of time and you have to express your feelings. Start off by saying something like: "I know this letter doesn't fix what's broken between us, and maybe it never will. But I want you to know that I care deeply about you, and I always will. That part has never changed. The part that's changed is that I realize how stupid I was to let you go."
I really need some advice, my ex and I have known each other since childhood. One day last year he started flirting online with me and then we started texting and really hit it off. He lived out of state and I wasn’t ready for long distance, but he still kept trying for me. So after months of flirting and falling more and more I decided we can give long distance a try since he comes back to our home town often and I can go visit him. After a few months of that things were good and he actually as able to move back home and we were so perfect for each other. Saw each other all the time and fell more in love, spent time with both our families all the time and every one was happy. Then my life got stressful with work and studying for Med school applications. And he got a new job that was very demanding and took a lot of his time. I noticed things became distant when he didnt have time to see me or even just relax with me, he always had work first and his family is also very demanding and took a lot of his time as well. I was planning on talking to him about the issues but he’s not one to be up front and talk things out, he rather tell me “its okay ” so i thought there were no issues, when in reality i pushed him to far and kept asking to see him or plan things or complain when he didnt even have energy to talk after work. We had date night once a week and i would see him maybe once or twice on weekends and that was okay with me, but i still made him feel bad about it. One day he had so much work he asked for me to leave him alone for a weekend and that upset me and i ended up calling him one to many times, and he exploded and told me he can’t do this any more that he needed his space and to break up, he said he wanted to figure himself out and get his life in order and that he felt bad that he didnt have the time a girl friend like me deserves and that he didnt want to hurt me anymore. I was devastated, this messed up my studying and my life for weeks. We didnt communicate for a week then i ran into him at an event, we talked some but knew it wasn’t the right time or location for a chat like this. Then we talked a few days later but everyone was still heated, he said he didnt have the answers i needed and he doesn’t know what the future holds and that he’s sorry he had to do this to me and hopes we can be friends later that we just need space now. Yet he says he cares about me and still has feelings for me. Im so confused, and probably asked to soon if he can see himself with me again, since he did the same exact thing to his last girlfriend for the same reasons and took her back. He tells me he doesn’t know what our future will be more then friends or not and doesn’t want to give me false hope…. If he worked on his own issues and i worked on mine could we get back together in a few months? he keeps saying i did nothing wrong and its all him and his own issues, but i know i was needy and acted ways I’m not proud of. I was just so scared to lose him i ended up pushing him away. I just want to know how to get him back or make him realize if we just talk about our issues instead of running from them maybe things would be smoother when were both on the same page. I really love him and deep down know he still cares for me and loves me. Im just so scared to say the wrong things now and push him away even more. He is having a major surgery soon and i care so much, but don’t want to make him think I’m needy. Could he really have his own personal issues? or did he just use that excuse to let me down easy? He tells me there is no one else but i don’t want him to move on without me during this space period if we don’t talk about things. Please help I’m a lost soul, this is my first heart break and after over a year of talking and almost 9 months dating i just can’t see why he would leave me so suddenly with out answering any questions. Is there any way to get him back? I try to contatct him as little as i can so he has space but its hard and we are still friends on social media even though he deleted all signs of our relationship together. i just worry so much that i lost my best friend and will never have him back in my life as even a friends. When we do talk i ramble and talk in circles and i know thats pushing him away more so I’m trying to stop. I just over think everything and always questioned everything and i guess it showed I’m insecure when i really have bad anxiety over a lot of things. he was always so supportive and calming and then he just left me over one fight, our first fight….I just want to talk about all i have thought about since he left me and how i hope to fix things so we can grow together. what should i do!? sorry for the long post I’m just a very confused heart broken girl who lost the love of my life, at 25! thanks for the help

Hi Tanisha….it is unclear just how invested he is in the relationship. Perhaps one way to find out is to utilize No Contact. You should take a look at a book I wrote called, Ex Recovery Pro. In it I offer a blueprint on all the things you should consider and do. You can learn more about it in my website’s Menu Section under “Products”. It may help you with the path you should take.
Just a heads up as this is an extremely important section. Remember when we talked abut how you are going to implement the no contact rule for about a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!
Over the past 4 months, we’ve hung out every weekend, although I’m always the one to initiate communication and making plans. When we’re together, the intimacy is there and It’s like we’re a couple again. He never texts or calls- unless he’s replying to my texts and he takes hours or days to respond. I feel if I never contacted him, I’d never her from him again and it’s strange because he doesn’t seem to have an issue making plans to hang out and stick with them in advance.
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Okay so I'm a week into no contact and I've been ignoring his messages (he messaged me for the first 3 days and now has stopped) but loads of other articles and advice have told me that ignoring texts could make it worse and that I should reply casually but never reach out to them first. But on here im being told that I can't reply whatsoever. Help I really don't wanna mess this up


It motivated me to search for a job even more, to subscribe to a sport to meet new people and make friends, to give him the freedom and the life he was asking for. A few days after, we went to a party and i gave him his space, made friend with other girls, I was doing great but he started talking with his former booty call right in front of me, which of course, made me feel so bad and jealous. So I ignored him the rest of the night. But I apologised the day after and it was ok.
Clayton has been empowering individuals and couples from around the world to find harmony and authenticity in their relationships. With a background in Professional Coaching and Neuro Linguistic Programming, Clayton takes a holistic approach to carefully reconstructing what is truly possible for his clients. Through his work he has revitalized relationships, brought together lost loves, and witnessed clients find their soul mates. Clayton's content has been seen on Fox news magazine, Huffington post, the Goodmen project and he's even had an article featured on The View.
Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texting is the communication highway for today’s couples. You and your boyfriend probably texted each other all the time and rarely shared them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

What Should I Get My Ex Boyfriend For His Birthday


I’ m here writing about a boy again even though I ve promised myself I wouldn t. It s a boy from my village, always liked him but seemed so far away and the kind of chasing girls.Until 2 years ago he comes out of sudden where I was siting with my girlfriends and aks “accidentaly” who am i. Days after he reaches me at a cafe and asks if i’d like to meet him tonight. I was going through a difficult period and said to myself to say yes and give more chances without pushing situations and worry. i really thought it was a one time thing . turns out i really liked him and every now and then he texted me to meet. Eventually i invited him home since I was alone. After some days he came without telling me and rings my bell. he does come and check my house without telling me.Sometimes he opens up to me , talked me about his past,that he had a long relantionship that he can t get over. Also told me that with me it s not just sex but love. Even so when I leave from there he rarerly talks to me on fb or like my posts. Sometimes asks when I will come again, but lately he never talks to me or even say hi in public. Last time we met he was asking me things like if i had done something with someone else, if i have brought other guys at home, other time aked what was going on with some guy that was talking to me and things like that, but when i asked if he had done something with someone else he said yes and asked if it did matter. I didn t reply. He didnt talk to me or wished for my birthday.Now that i m here again for summer holidays he saw me my first week here when i was out saturday night and i returned home he showed up minutes after saying “i thought you would return this time”. It was really late,he stayed very little time And when he left said that we will talk again and “goodnight”. He hadhad to say goodnight since the first times we met. But a month passed and so sign of him. And to make matters worse, a girl we hang out with brought another girl here and immediately he talked to her,she gave him herfb,instagram in frond of me while i was trying to ignore him and he was talking to my friend next to me(?), he asked her go for an evening bath at the sea and next day he was out with them for coffee for hours,at the same cafe i was in. And im sure thethey were out together at night too… I m very devastated. He never sawed that kind of interest on me! Never invited me somewhere and he seems to talk to literally every girl but me! I don t know what to do! I m so frustrated i didn t sleep at all all night. I really havent talked to anyone about all this so i cant ask for any help or anything…please help me
Instead of worrying about whether he has feelings for you still or not, why not spend the time hanging out, having fun, flirting, and re-creating those feelings on your own accord? Emotions aren't set in stone and can easily waver, so it's up to you to take the first step in not letting what he thinks affect you, but doing something to try to get the result you want.
I dated someone for 2 1/2 years and it suddenly ended last week. He said I’m his best friend and he loves me deeply but there was a disconnect and he isn’t sure why. Said some things from the past concern him and it was time to move forward or let go. He said wasn’t sure if his feelings would come back and it wasn’t fair to him or me. He said he doesn’t have a negative word to describe me and he doesn’t understand it. Said if somethings meant to be it will be. He’s now going to therapy to work through his communication issues and commitment fears. As am I for my self worth. 
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