My gf of 5 years broke up with me a month ago. We are both 21. She said that she has lost feelings and doesn’t feel attracted to me anymore. She didn’t feel like a priority in my life and that i was not there a lot of the time. I know that i had been very insecure(because of my previous relationship) and unwittingly took her for granted over the past few months(work/college commitments). She loved me to bits and i did too but i’ve really hurt her.
The important thing to remember is working on yourself is the most valuable step in this process. Whether you decide to take your ex back or not after this process is entirely up to you. Either way, you would have done the work to become a better person. And being happy and whole is a strong foundation for love anyway… whether it’s with your ex or someone else.
You are so amazing and spot on and absolutely gorgeous! Excellent article!! Want to brief you with my situation. Dated a guy 5 yrs ago went on 6 dates and we connected well but I never had sex with him. He made all the effort but he’s a business guy and I was a student And he ended things since I was demNding for his time. We got back a year after and same situation. Now I’m a working surgeon grown woman. After 5 years he sends me a text on this year Valentine’s. I just got out of a relationship then. We decided to meet and it was my bday that week. He bought me a Chanel bag and took me more shopping. Had dinner at my favourite French place. Stayed in a suite. We had sex for the first time ever. Was nice and intimate. Since then he texts me everyday 3 times a day and made plans to meet me again in 2 weeks. I live 4 hrs away so he came to see me last weekend. I arranged a lovely suite on the beach and we went out for lunch played golf. He texted me saying he appreciated the effort I made and had a good time. After that he’s been distant. Not as much flirting. Btw he has a 2 yr old son he’s busy with. Single dad and has a nanny over the week. Weekends he’s full time dad. Anyways i texted him yesterday we flirted a bit. Made little small talk and he was busy traveling. Asked him he’s been bit mellow and is everything ok with work? He said all good thanks. He did say he hAs a lot of work to be done before his trip next week…No more good morning msgs or night msgs. He’s making a trip to Dubai next week with his son so surely won’t hear from him for a week. But the day before he was leaving I sent a text saying hey just wanted to know as we are adults and be honest with each other. If I’m going to invest on time and according to your busy schedule and being a single dad and if I’m going to wait for you to come back from the trip, do you want to be exclusive and date or date casually as sex buddies? So he answered saying Hey, firstly i’m sorry if my yummy mummy comments upset you – they were never intended that way.

2. It forces your ex to face their decision. Awkwardly sticking around, trying to use blunt force emotion and fit pitching, even if you think you are “calmly discussing things,” only makes your ex want out of the relationship more AND doesn’t allow him/her to truly face the consequences of what they think they want. You simply put them on the defensive as they continue to have you present instead of absent.
Well, the fact that he found you a unique girl shows that he feels differently towards you, or at least did at one point. However, for some people, it is very easy for them to disconnect and disassociate themselves the moment they decide to, and if he decided upon that, may have even started to lose feelings for you as well. My suggestion would be to give it another week or two to see if he responds, before contacting him once more. If he still does not seem to be interested or does not reply, perhaps consider the idea of moving on, because it might end up becoming a painful process to try and wait it on someone who doesn't seem to be interested.
You need to give her space for three reasons: 1) People simply need space; if you can't give her any space, maybe that's something you can work on to show her that you've changed. 2) She'll get an opportunity to realize how good you are; not that she doesn't know this already, but she may not feel it in her bones. 3) You'll show her how independent you are on your own; the "rebel" is so attractive to women because he's totally on his own and doesn't need other people.

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Hi, my ex broke up with me a while ago. We went full no contact for about 8 weeks and then he finally texted me to catch up. We talked for about a month, hooked up a couple times, and he was treating/talking to me as if we were a couple. I want to get back together. So I’ve told him I still have feelings for him and eventually want to get back together. I know he still has feelings for me but he says he doesn’t know what he wants (We’re also doing long distance so this is a big reason of why he doesn’t know). I told him a week ago I can’t be just friends anymore so I went into no contact again. Was this the right move? I want him to realize he does want to get back together and be more that friends. Should I have just stayed friends and waited? Or was it smart to go no contact again!!

Sometime it happens when cutting off all connection with him is just not possible for example if you both work together or you take same classes or on the vacation trip with your mutual friends. In this situation don’t get angry and never try to avoid him. If you get angry then your ex boyfriend may feel you can’t able to remove him from your heart and you wanted to get him back. On other hand, if you completely avoid him then he may feel you are immature and can’t able to live without him.


Well my boyfriend who I've dated for 4 months this told me he just doesn't feel the same way how I feel. We talked about it before and this is our second breakup. What confuses me is how he says he still cares about me and hates seeing me broken like this. And in my heart I love him even with this, and I've read your article that I shouldn't try to pl ish for something because it'll just push him away more and I dont want that. Is there any way or possibility that we will be together again? I've seen this before with one of my friends and her and her ex got bsck together again and he wont let her go ever again. I ha e this thought in my head that it'll happen to me where he'll come back and we'll have a stronger relationship and be together. I'm in the grief stage now and everything just hurts. Is there any way that I'll know he will know that this was a good decision he made between us? He messages me still a day after the break up and he says he feels horrible for putting me through this pain again. I just want to know what to do next for him to take me back.

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First thing I would suggest is to run no contact if you didn’t already. After that, consider a trip to the Philippines for a holiday. Contact her a few days before, making it very clear that you’re there for a holiday, not to see her specifically, but that you’re open to meeting up if she is. She can’t find out that you’re there just to see her, because that would come across needy. Tell her you’re also visiting another neighbouring country too, so that she can see you’re there to enjoy yourself irrespective of her.


Similarly, if he’s getting your attention, praise, sex or whatever just because… even with bad behavior, there is no incentive to want to get you back in an official way. There is no reason he would do anything different than he has been doing since what he’s been doing so far has worked well.  In addition, giving in to him and giving him everything he wants just makes you look needy and desperate.  He might be thinking, if she is so desperate to have me then maybe no one else wants her… and if no one else wants her… why should I?
My girlfriend of two years has left me again (after doing the same thing about two months prior). The last time I had began to move on even though I really didn't want to. She contacted me and said she was shocked by how fast I was moving on and she proceeded to make me believe she wanted me back. Two weeks ago she did the same again - ended it after telling me she "hates me", doesn't love me or fancy me. It's all very out of the blue and I'm acting desperate and needy right now, it's awful. I feel like I'm going mad and I just don't know what to do. I love her but I feel like it's a lost cause.

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“I recently got back in touch with my ex and we’re trying to make it work again. What I felt really helped me through the process was the no contact rule for at least three months and truly working on yourself and learning to find happiness outside of the relationship. I got involved with different hobbies, such as sports/working out to make myself feel good, as well as go back to salsa dancing which was something I love to do.” 

Get Ex Back No Contact


Thank you so much for this great article. You’re right! Happiness is the key. I’ve been single now for a few years, post a really bad breakup, and I’ve spent all this time focusing on myself, on what makes me truly happy, independent of guys. And I can honestly say it’s an amazing feeling to be comfortable with yourself. I feel more attractive now than I ever did in my relationship. And I was in my twenties! Thanks for breaking it down in such an honest way. Everyone should follow your advice!

The day we broke up, we went out fishing with two friends and it was really cool, and we went to see some of his friends play handball ( which is a very important part of his liife, but i have never played, so don’t really care, but I wanted to make the effort for him and to be with him). I was doing so good until he decided to go play ball with his friends during half time, leaving me alone on my chair, while I had come to be with him. There were two people I had talked to before close by ( which was his excuse to leave me) but they were talking the foreign language and imagine how hard it is to engage in the conversation when you don’t know what it,s about and you need to switch language… So i got mad at him and told him it wasn’t cool to leave me on my own.

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So basically I met someone, we got on really well, we had a connection and after a week I went to America, once I went to America, things went a bit weird. When I got back he wouldn’t meet up with me because he said he had a lot going on in his mind. Anyway after a month coming back, we met up, we slept with each other, I gave him massages and etc, things were still weird, met up again and slept with him again and now he’s kinda backed off. Like one min he’s okay and one min he’s really cold towards me. I used to ask him what’s the sketch with your ex, he used get so defensive about it. I’ve only known him since mid March but I was so fond of him and feel so down. Please can you give me advice? He hasn’t contacted me since couple of days.

My ex had consistently chased me for 6 years throughout the whole of school and after, we were always really close friends and i was always too afraid to progress further incase that friendship got ruined. Even in his one other long term relationship he admitted to still always wanting to be with me and even throughout the good times with his ex he still imagined doing those things with me instead. Then after going through a hard time with a previous ex myself and having him support me we began to get close again and eventually ended up starting a relationship. And while at first i was slightly unsure about it, it quickly became clear it was the best decision i’d ever made, he was so madly in love with me and for the first time i felt so confident that someone felt like the luckiest person alive to be with me. He absolutely adored me and treated me like a queen. 2 and a half years later, and only just coming back off a wonderful week long holiday together with his family.. out of the blue, it’s over. Seeming in a bit of a bad mood one day i asked him if he was okay or if i’d done something and got the ‘we need to talk’ text. My stomach immediately dropped and i felt sick, but didn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume the worst. He came over that evening and told me he thought things had changed and that for weeks he’d had this feeling of that ‘sometimes’ he just wants to be my friend. Sometimes?! Even though that morning he’d commented on how it was our anniversary and 2 days previously we had even been on a date night where he’d complained because i had red lipstick on meaning he couldn’t kiss me and asked me to sit next to him in the bar instead of opposite him so he could put his arm around me, not really ‘i just want to be your friend behaviour’ right?

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So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

He said that he wanted time to think about everything I said and that he's not ready to lose me yet, even though I had said I was done trying to win him back (which I'm not). There is no one else in the world I want to be with, which is why I am agreeing to give him space because I know we both need it. He said he was going to do his best to not let me down, but I am feeling incredibly desperate and full of false hope.

The day we broke up, we went out fishing with two friends and it was really cool, and we went to see some of his friends play handball ( which is a very important part of his liife, but i have never played, so don’t really care, but I wanted to make the effort for him and to be with him). I was doing so good until he decided to go play ball with his friends during half time, leaving me alone on my chair, while I had come to be with him. There were two people I had talked to before close by ( which was his excuse to leave me) but they were talking the foreign language and imagine how hard it is to engage in the conversation when you don’t know what it,s about and you need to switch language… So i got mad at him and told him it wasn’t cool to leave me on my own.

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Recover emotionally. You don't stand a chance of getting your ex back if you're not emotionally calm and controlled. Women dislike needy, clingy, desperate men - so you need to pull your own life together before attempting to draw her back into it. Like it or not, showing her that you can deal with life on your own will attract her back to you. That's because girls like men who are self-sufficient and independent. So go out to the gym, visit the movies with friends, or start an adventure. If you're having a great time, she'll want to be there with you.
You shouldn't put yourself into that situation and let yourself be talked into thinking that it was entirely your fault. Ultimately he was the one who cheated, and you had every right to walk away from that. If he thinks you should be fighting for him at this point, he definitely has not seen any of his issues yet, nor does he seem emotionally mature enough to handle you coming back into his life. However, if you want to give this another try (and make it work this time), you're going to have learn to be firm and respect yourself and the boundaries you are willing to accept, before you reach out to him. If not, there's a good chance where he steps on you again or does something to hurt you unknowingly.
Now its been 2 months and we text daily and i did no contact for 2 weeks. However, he doesn't text me as often anymore (30 - 10 hours for a reply), hang out with me, or ask me to hangout with him like it was during our post break up before I went no contact. Now I feel like he has moved on and lost me because he is always with friends and never reaches out to me. Should I move on too or still try to get him back and rebuild what was lost?

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Remember; do not talk about the relationship during this date. Just talk about the things going on in your life and ask them about their life. And you actually have to have something going on in your life to talk about. You cannot tell them how you spend all night yesterday watching reruns of Jersey Shore in your bed. This is another reason why completing Step 2 is so important.
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