So me and my ex were in a long distance relationship for 2 years. I was in my career and he was just finishing up school. We met in another state and have always been long distance. So when he graduated, im thinking that we would finally get to be together. Wrong, he broke up with me. His words were im not leaving you, im leaving the relationship. I still love you and still feel the same, I think that we need to just be friends" So basically needing time to get himself together, which I can respect. At first, I was pleading, then I told him I couldnt be friends. Then, I said yea im ok with being friends because there was so much going on in both of our lives that I feel like I wanted to still be apart of. So for about 5 days after that our only contact was words with friends (Scrabble). The game has ended and now we are officially in the no contact part. He still has our pics up on his page and last time we talked 2 weeks ago, we both said "I love you" before we got off the phone. I really believe we were the two right people at the wrong time. Its almost been a month and each week gets easier. He was my first love and my best friend. This article was nice, my only confusion is you said Id reach out to him after the no contact rule, but most advice Ive gotten is "He broke up with you, You should wait until he hits you up". Im new to all this heart break stuff. He was my first and Im still at the point where I want him to be my only one. Thank you!
I know you feel hurt and you probably feel worthless right now because feel like your ex doesn’t want you. You are eager to feel loved and hopefully ‘My ex will know that I’m in another relationship and my ex will feel jealous, and will beg to come back.’ STOP. That’s not self-love. That’s called my-ex-is-still-the-center-of-my-universe. Everything you do is because you want to get your ex back. But actually, everything you do from now on, should be focused on yourself. 
My ex-girlfriend and I broke up last week on Wednesday 12th. We had been together for almost three years which it should be tomorrow 19th. In the past, I mistreat her and cheated on her where I made a big regret for it. Last May 2018, she broke up with me then I worked so hard to get her back in June. By time, our relationship got improving from time to time. Recently, I talked to girls(whose I flirted with them in past) as long as I know my boundary. I learned a lesson. Apparently, she was still obsessed about the past what I did to her where trust issue came up. In several days ago, I was so pretty devastating then getting better day by day. Then I read this article and learned a lot about No Contact and many good information that I never learn in my life. I startled No Contact since Friday night 14th. I just hope that space and time give us healing and someday getting together later.
Magdeline, you need to first realize that you are amazing and have so much more worth than he is making you out to have. He was with you for a year and had a fiance too?? He is the total loser. And not only did he cheat on you with someone he was engaged to, but then he tried to make you out to be the bad guy? Magdeline, please move on from him. You should block him, not the other way around. You need to see your value and realize who you are. Find yourself and know what you are worth. And then someone will come along who will treat you right. It is totally worth it to be single for a little while than to be with a 2-timing jerk like him. Please say you’ll stay away…
If you are in a situation like this, the best thing to do is just be cool about it. Do not give your opinion about their new relationship and let it run its course. Just be cool about the whole thing and try to concentrate on your life rather than theirs. There are a lot of things that you need to do after a breakup and before you can get your ex back. That’s what step 2 is all about.

Hi there, I have been reading tons of advice you guys offer to permanently get your ex back and recently me and my ex broke up 1 year and 8 months into the relationship. We broke up because she said that I didn't love myself, which I realize this now because I had so many insecurities that caused the energy between us to go downhill with my jealousy, trust issues, and depression. I realize all of mistakes now but the 1st week after our breakup I was super needy and desperate, I would contact her and make up lies to just see what she was doing and just to talk to her. I have recently started the no contact with her hoping that maybe she will miss me when she is wondering what I am up to. She told me that I need to move on and just do things that I wouldn't be able to do in relationship such as flirt with other girls, go to certain type of parties, talk to my friends constantly and to just have fun period. She says she has faith with us but she has no idea when she will feel ready to go back into a relationship with me. She also said I have to move on and let go and come back when I have a chance, "To let the bird fly away and if it's meant to be then the bird will fly back." I am just worried because from the looks of it she has already moved on, went to three parties already, and I know she is talking to this guy. I accept that she is doing all of this because I know she just wants to have fun because I used to be manipulative and controlling. I know all of my mistakes now and during this no contact period I want to work on myself and love myself. I accept the fact that if my ex don't want to get back together that I shouldn't sweat about it because I will find someone else, but she has made such a huge impact in my life that I just simply choose to be with her. She simply made me happy but I didn't make her happy. What could I do to fix all of this and perhaps start a new relationship in the future. I wont see her for 8 months because I will be in the army then after that I will be attending the same college as her. I hope that by the time I come back she will be single and had the fun she wanted to have so I can talk to her about giving us another chance. Thank you for you time.


You may worry about the old adage, “Out of sight, out of mind,” and use that as a justification to reach out. The thought of him moving on and forgetting about you is too terrifying to bear. One little text won’t hurt, you reason. But, in this instance, it will hurt. If you want your ex back, it is important that you strictly adhere to the no contact rule.

Before you try to win back your ex-boyfriend, you must reflect on what happened in the relationship. You must be careful not to toy with the feelings of your partner. You do not want to cause him any further pain or hurt. If you made a rapid decision without giving much thought to what you did, you need to give the situation much thought now. You need to evaluate the whole situation well.

You often heard men complaining ‘they don’t want to get nagged’ – The problem is not in nagging instead men feel their women start showing unsatisfaction of who he is and what he has to offer and that what eats away the relationship. This doesn’t mean you can’t express your true feelings. Make sure to balance your true feeling with love and admiration to keep fire in your relationship.
Hi, I had been dating a guy for 2.5 years, he’s a Muslim and I’m a Christian,during this time he was completely in love with me and he has done a lottttt of things to keep me happy and to show how much he loves me... because he was never like this and I could feel it and even his family and friends had told me that he has never been soooo serious before for any girl and I myself felt his love for me then... and I had amazing connections with his family and even most of his relatives side knew me.. though we used to fight a lot we always managed to get back and love each other more.. but the few days before the breakup we had been fighting and that is when he went to his cousins place far from where we live .. he stayed at his ex’s place who is his cousin and he had dated her for 2 years before me ... and he suddenly started getting feelings for her and they were so strong that he went and told her mom that he wants to get married to her and even kissed her and stuff ... but then after he came back from there he has ditched her a million times already by kissing me and getting physical with me and even after that girl knew this she accepted him like twice .. and when there were problems in their relationship ( now it’s almost 2 months since we broke up and since he’s got into a relation with her ) he used to come to me asking if I will or will not give him another chance and that he loves me .. this has happened twice and both the times I used to agree and then we used to get physical ...I have come out of my country that means we don’t meet and he doesn’t even talk ( I have broken 4 rules which are mentioned above because I hadn’t read the article before) so now my ex says he doesn’t want me at all and he doesn’t love me...and again their marriage is fixed like they say they’ll get married after 5 years once he has achieved something in life ..both of us are 20 and his present girlfriend is 18...in this situation where families are involved and where he claims to love her soooo much will is till be able to get him back? Please help ... is it still possible ?
Another year goes by. It was summer and I was having the time of my life. I decided to take a break from dating and focus on myself. Then I ran into him in Central Park on a Saturday afternoon. At last, he was single and I was single, we were both living in NYC, now was the time. But he didn’t contact me after that. So I decided to contact him. I sent him a friendly message on Facebook and opened the door wide for him to ask me out… but he didn’t take my expertly laid out bait.
I begged and pleaded with my ex to not let me go the day he broke up with me. Even told him I couldn’t live without him. W-T-F!!!!!! But when I finally got in my car to leave (for the second time), I was in shock (disgust, humiliated, sick…) that I could have done that. To give you perspective on why I was in shock: during the breakup he said, and I quote, “It was your actions that led us to this.” “YOU ARE HERE TO HELP ME! AND I HAVE TWO KIDS!” (Adult kids mind you. This was responding to the fact that I stopped being their f-ING maid). “You don’t even take very good care of your dogs.” All of these things were said with the, all too familiar, condescending, disgusted, nasty look on his face, twisting words and making everything my fault. Oh, there were a lot more comments like that during our breakup (and consistent throughout our relationship) but those have stayed with me the most.
We've been together for 20 years she moved in with me the first time we got together and have lived an an amazing life together, traveling the world having two beautiful boys we are not married, have a big house in the city but things have started to unravel and her feelings for me have diminished she says things like she loves me but she's not in love with me, my commitment to her is unrelenting I'm attractive and have no issues with picking up other women but she is a MORALISTIC FOUNDATION FOR ME.
Swetnick said she was inspired to come forward after Christine Blasey Ford claimed she was sexually assaulted by Kavanaugh during a party that Ford and Kavanaugh purportedly attended as high school students in the early 1980s. (Ford's account has not been backed up by any of the witnesses she said were at the party, including her lifelong best friend, and she has repeatedly changed key details in her story, including how many people were at the party and when the episode occurred. Notably, Ford also testified she could not recall how she got home from the party, which she said took place far from her residence at the time.).
"While there are two sides to every story, there are often a few factors that are highlighted within a breakup," says sexologist Megan Stubbs. "What makes this time different than the time before? And how will you communicate that to your partner in a way that might make them open to a second chance?" Try to be as neutral as possible in your recollections. Seeing your part in a breakup can help you figure out whether it's a good idea to give things a second shot.

One of the keys to getting back together will be your ability to stay active and not let your sadness or depression lead to inaction. It is very common to want to stay on your couch, not do anything or have no desire to see anyone after a breakup. The issue is that if you do not force yourself to stay active and to undertake certain actions, you will keep digging yourself further and further down the hole.
My question is this my relationship ended about 5 months ago, I found out he was texting a girl he worked with and that they had been texting back and forth for about a month I think. I saw a text that said good morning baby how was your night. My X and I lived together for 3 year but we had been together for 10 plus years. He has in the past cheated on me more times than I can count but I did know about 3 others women for the past 15 years together. I am 12 years older than he is. the words he said to me when this all came to a head one night of his revealing that he loves me but he did not love me the way that I loved him, and that he never thought of me of marring me but that I was and would all way’s be nothing more than his girl friend. But that he does love me, and that he was concerned about my age even when he knew I was 12 years older than he was, and he is having problems with it.
Your ability to surprise your ex can make or break your chances of ultimately getting back together. In fact the element of surprise is so important in this process that when I’m asked how to get an ex back during one on one coaching sessions I sometimes simply answer surprise your ex! I obviously later go on to explain at great length why surprising an ex is important and how you should go about it!
My boyfriend broke with me 2 weeks ago after a years. Said he had issues he needed to work on and focus on his kids and work. One week after not texting he finally did asking if we could talk. He told me he loved me and hated he was hurting me. I told him I thought our relationship was worth it and would give him time. Since then he has been out of town for work and has text and face timed me non stop. He actuallycalled me last night to ask if I had talked to any guys since he broke up with me. I want him back , what do I do
He told me he loves me, but felt like I was smothering him and he needed to find himself. I told him I would give him space while he figured things out but he said he couldn’t ask me to do that. I asked if there was a chance for us once he got things sorted and he said he isn’t sure if he sees a future. He said he worships the ground I walk on and should never change because I was perfect in the relationship and will go far in life whereas he feels like he has nothing to offer since he is grieving and stuck in a job he doesn’t like.
"Retrosexual romances" seem to be the hottest hook-up trend out there — courtesy of Facebook and other social networking sites that make it super-easy to reconnect with an old flame. But should you? Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, shares the deets on whether to dig back into the past, and, if you do, how to work a happy — and sexy — reunion.

Signs You Should Get Back With Your Ex Boyfriend


Regardless of how a relationship ends, all breakups result in the same thing: Every guy on the planet -- seriously, every f*cking guy -- will wait until their exes have moved on from their relationships to want their exes back. This fact is so universally predictable that women anticipate and LIVE for the day when they have moved on and feel unaffected by their ex-boyfriends' efforts to win back their love. We basically fantasize about it.
It could be a rebound relationship he's going through right now, which is also the reason he might have felt it was 'love at first sight'. In the case for marriages, especially long term relationships, NC period might have to be longer because of the time frame of the relationship and the severity of events that probably transpired which led to the breakup/divorce in the first place.
Sometime it happens when cutting off all connection with him is just not possible for example if you both work together or you take same classes or on the vacation trip with your mutual friends. In this situation don’t get angry and never try to avoid him. If you get angry then your ex boyfriend may feel you can’t able to remove him from your heart and you wanted to get him back. On other hand, if you completely avoid him then he may feel you are immature and can’t able to live without him.

Hi there. My boyfriend of two and a half years just broke up with me a week ago. He currently just left for college and since I'm one year younger I'm still home. We had been planning to stay together throughout college and there have been many talks about our goals for the future. We never fought, but always communicated. We were a real pure relationship and everyone around us could see we were meant to be. All the sudden he gets drunk at a party one night and breaks up with me over a phone call. I know your probably thinking it's because we wants his freedom in college and doesnt want to be tied down, but he isn't that kind of guy. He specifically told me that he has been depressed this pass week and doesn't think that his life will be happier or better without me, but he "has to do this." My bestfriend also told me he told her he won't fall in love again until he's 25. The reason why he claims to be doing this is because long distance is too hard for him if we dont have a future together. But, he has always seen a future and admitted that he is pushing me away right now. My bestfriend (who is also his best friend) thinks that he thinks he is saving me from eventual heartbreak in the future. I don't know how to get him to realize he's not thinking clearly, especially because he only thought about breaking up with me one day before he actually did it and said "he couldn't do it unless he was drunk." He also told me he loved me 45 minutes before he broke up with me and said how he couldn't wait for me to visit and how all his friends were going to love me. So honestly I think he is just getting scared about the future because he tends to do that. He has texted me to make sure I was okay and still wants to be in my life. How do I make him realize I'm the one again because up until the day he broke up with me he believed it? I dont know what to do.
Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texting is the communication highway for today’s couples. You and your boyfriend probably texted each other all the time and rarely shared them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.
Hi, we work at same place and she sit just front of me so we see each other 100 times a day. Not able to apply no contact rule properly. Two months in no contact but not working as both are at same place. But whenever I text her in urgent no reply from her. In a month we will not be together, so should I wait to be apart when she will feel it or everything in her seems dead for me. I can’t take her rigid nature of not texting back or receive emergency call. What she want. I am not well and can’t focus on my personal life and career which is not good for me.

Best Strategy To Get Ex Back


Hi, my boyfriend and I had a breakup since 2 months. The reason is quite complicated as even I, myself has doubts on that whether I made a mistake or is this just a misunderstanding. We had around 4-5 breakups in a row but we loved each other like anything. He always served that "no contact" period after breakup which made me confused that whether he's actually interested or not. In that confusion, I accepted his friend's relationship proposal while he was on his NC just to have my rebound relationship. When he came back, I told him that I'm now dating his friend as he has feelings for me. At that time, he reacted a bit and called his friend to let him know that we are patching it up. Then he broke up with me again and went for that NC again at the same night. I called his friend and asked him not to leave as I was not understanding his attitude (his friend is no doubt a very nice person). Then again he(my ex) came back after a month until then I realized that I love him(my ex) and I couldn't be with anyone else but him so I avoided his friend. Then we restarted our relationship in a strongest manner possible. I did already told him that I was in a relationship with his friend but I can't deny this fact that I realized that I couldn't be with anyone else but him. Also, I told him that I will break up with his friend as soon as I get a chance to talk to him. Then, he just read my old text messages in his friend's cellphone. Those messages were intimidating as I was in a relationship with him at that time. So, he got so horribly angry and broke up with me again and said that I cheated on him while I know that I am still so in love with him. Before reading this article I tried a lot to get him back at any cost. Calling/texting each and everything I was trying since two months. He always replies to my texts and it seems like he's so much hurt but now he just don't want me to be with him anymore. I'm feeling so guilty, desperate and confused as I can't find out whether I did something which had taken him away my true love away from me forever or whether it is just a emotional flood from him as he didn't like me getting closer to someone else. Please help me.
If you want him back but nothing is working, then I’m here to share the four steps. It’s safe to say that these steps aren’t just a hit and miss approach to getting your man back. I didn’t just see these work with ONE couple, and say great, let’s spread the word. Or what I’m really getting at, is that this isn’t about using some short-term trick like giving him the silent treatment, or not.
You'll have to consider the fact that he might have gotten bored of the relationship or experienced a loss of attraction towards you, resulting in his current actions. If he has not broken up officially with you yet, but you know he is most likely seeing someone else, you might want to consider ending things or having a talk rather than disrespecting yourself and holding on for the sake of it. Once you treat yourself any less than you deserve, other people will do the same to you, and it's not the way you fix things.
Under these circumstances, she’s probably overwhelmed by her emotions which led her to react this way. You’ve already let her know that you need to take some time to grieve and process the breakup, and she needs to respect that. I don’t doubt that her actions were also caused by her feelings towards you which resulted in her getting upset that you didn’t want to talk to her. However, I think that given time she’ll start to cool down and should be a little more receptive when you reach out.

There were other factors. His coaching staff consisted of my father and this 26 year old girl who was a friend from my past. He and this girl have a lot in common, from activities to food to music to humor. It makes sense that they would become good friends. On their days off, they would go skiing with each other, go to the bar to apre… My ex did not know where to draw the line. One day, he tells me that he is going on a long adventure with this girl, a full day hiking/ski trip in another state. There was another guy that was joining them however that didn’t matter. My dad gave me a call and sounded concerned (he never talks to me about guy stuff). So I panicked. When he got home, I expressed my feelings that it made me uncomfortable how much time that he and this girl were spending together. I did not get the reassuring response I wanted. “It takes you thinking I am going to leave you for you to change” and “Why can’t I be friends with another girl?”. He said that things just didn’t feel the same anymore between us. I was stunned. He had turned it around on me to make me feel guilty. He said that he felt unappreciated and taken for granted all winter. He wanted more help with dinner and the dishes. And I apologized and promised to be more aware of his needs.
As with all other events that may have a past involvement regarding the two of you (Valentines, birthdays, New Year's), contacting her soon after starting NC would probably come across as desperate and an attempt to try winning her back in her eyes because she currently has her guard up against you. At this point, only you would think it's rude not to wish her on her birthday and she wouldn't expect you to. You could read this article for more input regarding this matter.
Since winning her back in the next 8 months will be beyond your control, I suggest not thinking about winning her back for now and as she's said, to simply move on for now and to just focus on yourself instead. If the relationship was a meaningful one to both parties, the opportunity would always present itself again in the future, and should you want to give it another shot at that time, then you can always consider things again.
There were a few problems in the past. He’s very sensitive and when he gets stressed he can’t handle much emotion. Because of this, he “broke up” with me in the past. It wasn’t really a break up, he kind of just stopped talking to me. It only took one or two days for him to reach out. He said that he was so sorry and that he was so devastated when he didn’t talk to me. He said that he couldn’t see himself with anyone else and the “break up” made him sick. I thought that this time was going to be like those in the past but after a few days he was still being cold. It’s been about two and a half weeks now since he broke up with me and a week since the last time we talked.

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I would like to share a comment with the dr. I experienced the separate therapist scenario and you are correct. the outcome is most certain to be divorce as was mine. Also in response to Alice. I read the book the verbally abusive relationship and although some people are prone to abuse, the author, in my opinion does not share or give any inspiration as does Susan. The author empowers women who need validation to end a relationship without having to do any work or communicate with there partner how verbal abuse may be affecting them. It's an incurable disease according to the author, and a very easy way out of a relationship, as well as a way to exonerate oneself from any and or even partial responsibility for divorce. I guess what's most important is verbal abuse is prevalent and can do serious harm to ones self esteem. it's not a death sentence and once it's brought to light, talked about and understood, can make a relationship stronger. If two people want to be together! Most times once a diagnosis is reached by an unhappy spouse, it's over and this book, as I said before, is the validation needed because once you determine you have been verbally abused your free to go and take no responsibility as the Author points out it's the fault of the abuser who has a death sentence and there fore you must get away.

Get Ex Back Youtube


I want everyone to know what tremendous help Coach Lee has been to me! I had been dumped and had not heard from my ex for many days. It was tremendously painful since in my past experience I had never seen the relationship be revived after being dumped. You can read about strategies which are helpful but if you are serious about getting your ex back, contact Coach Lee. Once I hired him on the case, five days later my ex called. A miracle! He helped teach me what to say and when to say it. He calmed me when I wanted to reach out to my ex but it wasn't the right time. Even when my ex went many days without calling me his vast experience gave me the confidence to be patient. You go through so many ups and downs. He knows what you are going through and calms your fears! He gives you a game plan and helps you execute it through the highs and lows. After five days of hearing from my ex, she ghosted me for 11 days. I freaked thinking now it is all over! Coach Lee helped me be strong during that time! Then my ex called back! A second miracle! We went for coffee! A third miracle! He coached me for the coffee date! We ended up getting back together and I now have a regular call with Coach Lee. He teaches you so many things that help you move the relationship forward. You don't give them what they want you give them what they need! Coach Lee will be my coach for life for the most important thing in life you have, which is your loving relationship with your significant other!   -Dr. M.
Hello, I have a question that has been of concern to me. So I'm almost to the end of no contact, and I would like to send a short letter to wipe the slate clean... however, she has moved and I dont know the address. I made a mistake during the breakup involving social media and she blocked me on facebook... but is still open to texting. She and I work in the same city, maybe 5 minutes apart or less... so I thought maybe I could leave the letter on her car one night after i get off(but I am really worried that it'll come off as creepy stalker), I dont think she'd even read an email, and we were together 9 months so I dont think texting would be my best option. Ideas?
I think that continuing your no contact for now would be a better idea before sending out the text. It may be too soon to send this without him thinking you have motives because the breakup was still relatively recent. And if the issue for the breakup was because of his clubbing interests, perhaps it might a good idea to let him go through this phase first instead of suppressing negative emotions while in the relationship, since it's usually just a phase that people go through.
Magdeline, you need to first realize that you are amazing and have so much more worth than he is making you out to have. He was with you for a year and had a fiance too?? He is the total loser. And not only did he cheat on you with someone he was engaged to, but then he tried to make you out to be the bad guy? Magdeline, please move on from him. You should block him, not the other way around. You need to see your value and realize who you are. Find yourself and know what you are worth. And then someone will come along who will treat you right. It is totally worth it to be single for a little while than to be with a 2-timing jerk like him. Please say you’ll stay away…
Be honest with yourself: If the idea of going to another party alone makes you cringe, you're more likely craving a quick fix for loneliness, not your ex, says Michael Broder, PhD, author of Can Your Relationship Be Saved? And sooner or later, you'll be saying "We need to talk" all over again. But if you can picture backpacking across Europe with him next summer — and he can too — your heart is probably in the right place.
This is when I felt like I really met Mary. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t jealous, and I wasn’t distracted—I had a clear mind, and I loved her. She was the kind of girl I’d always call back, and always take out for dates, and always hold hands with. She’s the kind of girl I never want to be away from. I’d seen what life looked like without Mary (cue damp Jimmy Stewart shouting “Mahhhhrrrrrryyyyy, don’t you remember me Mary?” in It’s a Wonderful Life), and I had a new appreciation for her. I loved the person she had turned into: She had built a life for herself in New York and was the person I know she always wanted to be—she grew her bangs out, too, which I guess is a big thing for women?
Many relationships go through a loss of attraction after being together for some time. You have to figure out and comprehend the reasoning behind this loss of attraction, and whether there are ways you can go about turning it around to re-ignite the flame he once had for you. 30 days should be enough considering that the relationship didn't end on a terrible note.

My ex broke up with me two weeks ago, because of a text I sent him AND he broke up with me over the phone. We have broken up maybe ten times already this year and I am honestly so drained. He is extremely controlling, jealous, possessive, obsessive and verbally and mentally abusive. But HE broke up with me after I put up with all those horrible traits he has. But for some reason, this break up hit me real hard. HEs not the same guy I met in the beginning and I’m starting to think THIS is really who he is. He said he won’t change and that there is nothing wrong with him and that this is all my fault. I have become obsessive like him and I’m feeling so lonely and sad, over someone who once even called me a whore because he has zero trust in me, and I have always been honest and loyal to him. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to get out of the house and do things that I like but I’m feeling a little depressed over it. I don’t know he still has this much power over me. I even called him crying and screaming telling him I’m having a hard time over this break up and I think he’s getting a kick out of it. I feel like he stole my mojo cuz I used to be so tough in the beginning. Now .... I lost my female balls and I feel like I will never find someone again who will love me like he did. But why would I want someone to love me the way he did when clearly it was a toxic love. Any advice on how I can get myself back? I’m more concerned about getting my balls back rather then him. I apologize for the language but this is the best way I can’t describe what I feel. He controlled me so much that even without him I still feel like I’m under his control. Any advice please?!
I begged and pleaded with my ex to not let me go the day he broke up with me. Even told him I couldn’t live without him. W-T-F!!!!!! But when I finally got in my car to leave (for the second time), I was in shock (disgust, humiliated, sick…) that I could have done that. To give you perspective on why I was in shock: during the breakup he said, and I quote, “It was your actions that led us to this.” “YOU ARE HERE TO HELP ME! AND I HAVE TWO KIDS!” (Adult kids mind you. This was responding to the fact that I stopped being their f-ING maid). “You don’t even take very good care of your dogs.” All of these things were said with the, all too familiar, condescending, disgusted, nasty look on his face, twisting words and making everything my fault. Oh, there were a lot more comments like that during our breakup (and consistent throughout our relationship) but those have stayed with me the most.
It may not be possible at the start, especially when the breakup was recent and memories of the relationship are still filled in both party's heads. He could be contacting because he misses you to a certain extent but is conflicted and distracted by his new relationship, resulting in him acting this way towards you. Depending on how recent, I would suggest going into NC for now to give each other some space first.

Love Spell To Get Ex Back

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