However, right now I feel a bit frustrated. All my life I am following exactly this path – I do enjoy my surroundings, my life, people around. And many people, even strangers, frequently comment that they rarely see a person as happy as me. Yet, unfortunately, very very few find me attractive enough to just start simple conversation, let alone anything like a relationship.
Assure her that you both can fix the issues that led to your breakup. Remember why you guys broke up in the first place, so you can learn from your own mistakes. Have a plan ready, and discuss that plan with her. It's no use in getting back together if you go through the same issues all over again. If you didn't listen to her feelings enough, be sure that you're listening when you tell her you like her. If you didn't get along with her friends, make an extra effort to get along with them. Have a plan to attack what's likely to go wrong, and you'll impress the socks off of her.

So my ex broke up with me a week ago (we had only been dating for two months but apparently it was his longest relationship in awhile) and we’ve been in contact almost every day for the past week just talking as friends so that we don’t lose our snapchat streak (I know that’s a stupid reason to keep in contact with someone). He already drunk texted me saying that he made a mistake but when I confronted him about it the next day he remembered what he said just fine but said he couldn’t get back together because he “needed to work on himself first”. I feel awful starting the “4 week no contact rule” since we’ve been chatting for so long but I really want him back. What do I do?
It may not be possible at the start, especially when the breakup was recent and memories of the relationship are still filled in both party's heads. He could be contacting because he misses you to a certain extent but is conflicted and distracted by his new relationship, resulting in him acting this way towards you. Depending on how recent, I would suggest going into NC for now to give each other some space first.
I'm now stuck. We talk often and he regularly gets flirty (though he still has resentful moments), and we don't fight at all anymore and haven't for months. We have a lot of banter where we playfully tease each other as well. However, if I ask to meet, he says no, and explains that he believes we are only getting along well because he is "keeping me at arm's length" and that if we get closer we will fight like we used to.
I quit the day he left me, and I haven't even felt the urge since. I want to get him back, and want to do it the right way, but I feel like I need to contact him and confess how bad things were for me, not for pity but just so he understands why I did some of the things I did, and doesn't think that "that was just the way i am". Now that I have 3+ weeks of sobriety under my belt, I am more sure than ever that he might be the one, and that things would have worked. Ive turned my life around and am on such a better path, but I can't get him out of my head. I also can't forgive myself for letting my addiction ruin such a perfect thing. I know that I could make him happy now.
He ultimately took two weeks, and over the course of a few days worked up the courage to tell me that he wanted to focus on his career for the next few years and did not have that special feeling to invest more time in a serious relationship. I was blindsided at the time because I felt like he had put so much effort in to courting me, but tried to be mature. I told him that I think he misunderstood what I was asking for and wanting to figure out with him and that I didnt feel he was open enough during out time together to experience something very special...but if ultimately that is how he feels then I respect his decision. I said I would really miss him but I enjoyed the time we spent together very much and I would eventually wish him all the best. I also mentioned I would be deleting his number for my own sanity. He never responded and I have not heard from him since.
Oddly enough, many of my clients were successful in re-establishing contact with their ex boyfriends by simply not even trying.  They didn’t do anything except move forward with their lives, focusing on bettering themselves personally and professionally.  In a way, it is a form of what I call Passive No Contact or Passive Radio Silence.  It works for some people.  They figure that if their boyfriend dropped them, then so be it and instead of becoming dependent and addicted to their ex boyfriend, they choose to embrace other things in their life, doing those things they want to do and accomplish. Then as they focus on those things and have success, often times their ex boyfriends show up realizing they made a huge mistake letting their girlfriend go.

I’m just so confused because there was absolutely no sign that anything had changed. If anything i thought we seemed happier than ever. He text me a few times after the relationship ended 3 weeks ago but since our last conversation there has been zero contact for about 13 days now. And i don’t know how to deal with what’s happened so suddenly or to even try make sense of it. How can we have such a huge history and such a loving relationship then him just seem so cold and be able to cut me off so easy? No body that knows him or us as a couple can believe it. Any advice or thoughts would be hugely appreciated and how should i go about trying to reconcile with him. Thank you xxx
First and foremost, cut all contact with him and even block him on social media or messaging apps if necessary. If you want to regain your composure, the first thing you need to do is stay as far away from this toxic relationship and the cause of the toxicity in the first place. Its inevitable that we become less than who we usually are in toxic situations because of the constant negativity, and in order to regain control of yourself and your usual self, these are areas you should avoid coming in contact with.
Hello, my boyfriend and I have been dating for the last 3 years. He did break up with me before about 2 years ago bc he wanted to grow and get his life together due to money issues. We are both almost 26 and in real estate. I did no contact for 2 weeks and I texted him and he texted me paragraphs about how much he missed me and long story short we got back together. We lasted a total of 2 more years. About 4 days ago he broke up with me again. He was the one that wanted to see me everyday and he was always taking care of me and I did the same for him. Without even me pushing he wanted to see me about twice a day before and after work and always wanted to spend lots of time with me. Even the same day of the break up he talked about moving out together and he always talked about the future and getting me a ring the last few weeks even months. He flipped on me all of a sudden 4 days ago and told me over text he doesn’t want the relationship bc he has to focus on himself and get a place and get his life together. Shocked I kept asking him questions begging him not to leave but he kept saying he has to do this and it was hurting him too. I went to his sisters wedding a few days ago and met his whole family. They all loved me and his dad told everyone I was his daughter in law and his sister said I was his sister in law. He told me the wedding made him realize how quick everything was moving and he needed to grow himself. How can he flip on me and act cold so suddenly. It broke my heart. Our relationship was very strong and we were always there for each other like a married couple. We even had a trip coming up next month. He just acted so cold so suddenly and didn’t answer my texts after that. I tried to ask him will there be an us again or future together and he just said he didn’t want thi anymore and that he has to focus on himself. I did no contact for 4 days now and it’s tearing me apart. I want to marry this man one day and I miss him so much. We planned our future together :(

It seems like she is having some sort of depressive episode, but if she doesn't admit or acknowledge it, there isn't much you can do because she won't admit to needing help. You can reach out again in October after no contact, but I suggest taking it a step at a time to see how she responds to you, and whether she still seems to be depressed at that stage.

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You're going to have dig a little deeper and try to understand what caused her sudden change of heart. Often, unless the person has commitment issues and is always looking for a way out of the relationship, thoughts of not working out usually don't develop overnight and have larger underlying issues tied to it, just that the other party may not have brought it up. Your chances are dependent on what this underlying issue is, and whether its something that can be resolved or not to win her back.
Besides, even if he does get into a new relationship… you have to realize that all relationships are not created equal. Sometimes the easiest way to numb the pain of a previous relationship is to jump right into a new one. And in the case of a rebound, who knows what the outcome will be? These aren’t necessarily the most long-lasting relationships and there’s nothing to say that this isn’t an attempt to get your attention or be vindictive. Again, you don’t know and you can’t know and it’s a waste of time to try.
Look, forget that relationship hiatus even existed. You both up and went on with your lives while you were apart—but that doesn’t mean you need to talk about what went down. “She doesn’t need to hear about the bad dates you went on,” says Spira,“ or about your conquests either.” Would you want to hear about the guys who took your place? Didn’t think so.

Truth is that our bodies and heads tell us to act in a certain way after a break up, we act on impulse and our emotions. This is not a good idea as you may already know. It is common to be tearful and erratic, not knowing where to turn, sometimes we can blurt things out to our ex boyfriends that we regret later. Everybody does it, it is human nature to do so, but the thing that you have to remember is that you have to fight against these urges if you are to be successful in making him see you positively and want you back again.
At the end of the day, the only thoughts and behavior you can truly change is your own, and at the very least during this time, that's what you should be focused on. The breakup happened for a reason, and it's usually never just one party's fault. Spend this time thinking about the issues that may have affected the relationship, and if there was anything you may have done specifically or whether it can be worked on or not. Also think about yourself if whether in the past 6 months, there were things that perhaps caused you to feel unhappy or anything less than your usual self, and see if you could do something about it now to turn those feelings around.
Well, now you have to meet your ex. When you contact your ex, you need to ask them to meet you. But do not call it a date. Do not even talk about getting back together. Just say you want to “catch up” or “hang out together”. Try to keep it short, like a lunch or coffee. The date has to be in setting where you can leave easily if you sense that things are going south.
It seems like she is having some sort of depressive episode, but if she doesn't admit or acknowledge it, there isn't much you can do because she won't admit to needing help. You can reach out again in October after no contact, but I suggest taking it a step at a time to see how she responds to you, and whether she still seems to be depressed at that stage.
My story illustrates the power of working on yourself, of being your best self, of being in a happy, settled place before you enter into a relationship. The reason my husband doesn’t know what shifted is that it wasn’t a tangible thing. It was my vibe and my energy. I changed a lot from the beginning of the summer to the end, I did a lot of important inner work and I genuinely loved myself and was happy with my life. That’s the kind of energy that draws people in. That’s what makes people see you in a different light.
Thank you so much for the advice. I ended up sending a text two days ago just to check on him (nothing emotional) but I know I shouldn't have. He then last night blocked me on Instagram and deleted most of our pics. I think that is a nice way of saying leave me the heck alone until I am ready. Just very shocked after 4 years. But I will hold strong. Hopefully things will work out for the best.
I begged and pleaded with my ex to not let me go the day he broke up with me. Even told him I couldn’t live without him. W-T-F!!!!!! But when I finally got in my car to leave (for the second time), I was in shock (disgust, humiliated, sick…) that I could have done that. To give you perspective on why I was in shock: during the breakup he said, and I quote, “It was your actions that led us to this.” “YOU ARE HERE TO HELP ME! AND I HAVE TWO KIDS!” (Adult kids mind you. This was responding to the fact that I stopped being their f-ING maid). “You don’t even take very good care of your dogs.” All of these things were said with the, all too familiar, condescending, disgusted, nasty look on his face, twisting words and making everything my fault. Oh, there were a lot more comments like that during our breakup (and consistent throughout our relationship) but those have stayed with me the most. 

"You were right too about how much I coddled my children's mother. The reality is that I was afraid of her.  Just like when we were married I was always trying to keep her from getting mad at me. When I was depressed I had no spine for anything.  That era is over as well.  Now when she calls, I get the facts of who to pick up when and where, and that's it."
For the last 3 yrs I was the one who reach out to him every time he leave, now I am applying the no contact, is been 2 weeks, is been hard but I told myself I will have to keep my ground for at least 3 months before I consider reaching out to him. Do you think he will reach out to me this time around? if so, any idea after how long he will reach out to me? I think I may got him used to me giving in all the time.
I want everyone to know what tremendous help Coach Lee has been to me! I had been dumped and had not heard from my ex for many days. It was tremendously painful since in my past experience I had never seen the relationship be revived after being dumped. You can read about strategies which are helpful but if you are serious about getting your ex back, contact Coach Lee. Once I hired him on the case, five days later my ex called. A miracle! He helped teach me what to say and when to say it. He calmed me when I wanted to reach out to my ex but it wasn't the right time. Even when my ex went many days without calling me his vast experience gave me the confidence to be patient. You go through so many ups and downs. He knows what you are going through and calms your fears! He gives you a game plan and helps you execute it through the highs and lows. After five days of hearing from my ex, she ghosted me for 11 days. I freaked thinking now it is all over! Coach Lee helped me be strong during that time! Then my ex called back! A second miracle! We went for coffee! A third miracle! He coached me for the coffee date! We ended up getting back together and I now have a regular call with Coach Lee. He teaches you so many things that help you move the relationship forward. You don't give them what they want you give them what they need! Coach Lee will be my coach for life for the most important thing in life you have, which is your loving relationship with your significant other!   -Dr. M.
Obviously this is very upsetting. However, the truth is that a lot of guys who date after a serious relationship are almost always rebounds and nothing serious. You must also know that he is probably just trying to avoid the painful feelings of the breakup and there is a very high chance that it will not last for a long time. You should definitely refrain yourself from acting jealous because it will only push him further away and make you look desperate and needy.

Similarly, your relationship also didn’t come to an end just because your ex boyfriends finds someone prettier or sexier than you. It is crucial to understand your ex boyfriend was attract with your seductive, selective and sexier appearance and he didn’t leave you just because he finds someone sexier or seductive than you. If he didn’t like you in the first look then he never pursuit you over the other opportunities he had.


Hello, my boyfriend and I have been dating for the last 3 years. He did break up with me before about 2 years ago bc he wanted to grow and get his life together due to money issues. We are both almost 26 and in real estate. I did no contact for 2 weeks and I texted him and he texted me paragraphs about how much he missed me and long story short we got back together. We lasted a total of 2 more years. About 4 days ago he broke up with me again. He was the one that wanted to see me everyday and he was always taking care of me and I did the same for him. Without even me pushing he wanted to see me about twice a day before and after work and always wanted to spend lots of time with me. Even the same day of the break up he talked about moving out together and he always talked about the future and getting me a ring the last few weeks even months. He flipped on me all of a sudden 4 days ago and told me over text he doesn’t want the relationship bc he has to focus on himself and get a place and get his life together. Shocked I kept asking him questions begging him not to leave but he kept saying he has to do this and it was hurting him too. I went to his sisters wedding a few days ago and met his whole family. They all loved me and his dad told everyone I was his daughter in law and his sister said I was his sister in law. He told me the wedding made him realize how quick everything was moving and he needed to grow himself. How can he flip on me and act cold so suddenly. It broke my heart. Our relationship was very strong and we were always there for each other like a married couple. We even had a trip coming up next month. He just acted so cold so suddenly and didn’t answer my texts after that. I tried to ask him will there be an us again or future together and he just said he didn’t want thi anymore and that he has to focus on himself. I did no contact for 4 days now and it’s tearing me apart. I want to marry this man one day and I miss him so much. We planned our future together :(

We always fear the thought of not being able to find someone better if we walk away from our current relationship, but the truth was he still went out with another female behind your back, and I'm sure it would be simple enough to find someone who at least won't do that to you to begin with. However, this is also dependent on whether she was actually a friend or not, and why he decided to go behind your back to meet her.

Psychological Ways To Get Ex Boyfriend Back


“I recently got back in touch with my ex and we’re trying to make it work again. What I felt really helped me through the process was the no contact rule for at least three months and truly working on yourself and learning to find happiness outside of the relationship. I got involved with different hobbies, such as sports/working out to make myself feel good, as well as go back to salsa dancing which was something I love to do.”

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Try answering these questions: Do you miss your ex, or do you miss having a boyfriend or girlfriend? Did he or she make you feel better about yourself, more secure in the world, and happier? Do you imagine yourself with this person in the long-term, even when the excitement of being in love has worn off and you are stuck in the daily routines of life? If you are only missing the security of having someone and the excitement of a dramatic relationship, you can find those things with someone else in a healthier, more stable relationship.
Well she did say she came ready to have a hard time and so at first it was difficult for both of us, we ended up laughing and she grabbed my arm and everything at the end of the day so I guess she ended up relaxing and enjoying herself, said she was glad to have seen me...She said she won't have a relationship with me but agreed to continue to meet up and that after I expressed my true intentions and feelings, that I was commited to change, that I loved her and that I didn't gave up that dream, so we did have an intense talk first thing and then we just enjoyed each other's company. So I guess...There's hope there. In my opinion now I have to continue improving myself, being a friend for her like when we started and just be trully patient. While I wasn't expecting to get back together right there and then it went well I think, now I can see her again and continue to show her that I'm commited to real change and that I'm there.
Every relationship is a power struggle. It may not sound very good to hear and you may not agree but that’s how I see it. You can believe in love, compassion and valuing your partner and still understand that at some point it becomes a power struggle between you and the person you love; in order to live out a type of relationship that mirrors who you are and your values.

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Pursue your passion. Most of us may struggle to say what our passion in life is. We are too bogged down in our obligations, responsibilities, and routines to carve out any time to give some thought to the things we are passionate about. Your time of no contact is as good a time as any to figure it out. Maybe you’ve always had a love for good art. Maybe you are excited by gardening or writing. Take this time to do those things Also, take this time to try something new. You might just find a passion for something you didn’t know you had before. Engaging in the activities and hobbies that we love, that we are good at, and that we are passionate about go a long way to remind us of our essence and make us feel alive again.
My husband left me 6 months ago. He is dating some other girl. He’s been lying the whole time abor seeing someone. I finally got fed up and told him I want to divorce as that is absolutely crossing my boundary. I am hoping that this lights some fire under him as he has been telling me he doesn’t know what he wants for the past 6 months but thays because hes been seeing this girl. How do we make this work?
In your case, keep NC shorter than 30 days - usually, around 2 weeks would be enough. Reach out but perhaps you might want to consider all the angles first before deciding whether to tell him or not about your addiction. Some people might take it the wrong way and instead of even feeling pity, it pushes them further away because technically, you weren't being honest throughout the relationship. It might be better to come across and tell him that you've changed and leave it at that unless you know for certain that he would be understanding towards your situation.
Given the length and seriousness of your relationship, there's definitely still a chance. You just have to give him some time to let go of the compiled negative emotions he may be dealing with right now that translates into resentment towards you. In the meantime, it's best for you to also spend some time addressing the aspects of the relationship that you contributed in turning it sour, and improve on those aspects, so that when either him or you reaches out down the road, these changes you've made gives him a good reason to come back. Our EBP Advanced System will go into depth and teach you how to deal with these issues and pick yourself up emotionally once more, so that you come out stronger. It will also teach you how to proceed with your actions in order to win him back and the changes you need to be addressing in order to make things work.
My situation with my ex fits this profile perfectly. He left me over four years ago because of some really emotionally tough stuff that he was facing. He’s made A LOT of progress since then, but he’s moving at an excruciatingly slow pace. I understand; I really do. But, it’s hard. And no amount of me being happy and attractive is going to speed up his progress. In the meantime, because he IS making progress, I can’t stop hoping that he’ll call me and I can’t bring myself to date anyone else. And as long as I’m still hoping that he’ll call, my pain never ends.
I was with my ex for 1 year and 3 months. Before our one year anniversary he told me he doesn’t feel the same way about me as he did before. He just said he fell out of love with me. I begged for him to stay and he stayed with me. Our relationship seemed fine but then in January he became super distant and I had a feeling he cheated on me so I asked him and he was honest about it. We broke up for a day then we got back together and on February16th he broke up with me. Almost every time I saw him before that I made the mistake of trying to figure out why he didn’t love me and how to fix it. I kept asking him serious questions and answers to fix the problem. I thought it would magically make him love me again. After he broke up with me I begged for him to stay for about a week and I am now trying no contact. Will no contact work? Should I just give up? Is it too late? I love him do much
So, my question is this. I've discovered this information only recently, and my ex left me late last year. The winter and early spring was rough, and I broke a lot of rules. I finally tried no contact as long as possible, and didn't contact her from April till June. I've done a lot of self improvement, but when I broke and finally reached out to her, I think I might have screwed up the process somehow. I haven't even brought up our past at all, and have been trying just small talk here and there, but she seems to be withdrawing from me again. Should I try the no contact period again? Or is there some other way I can right the course of the process to give myself the best chance of doing things the right way?
You are hilarious!! I am laughing so loudly whilst reading your articles….I’m scaring my dogs! I came across your website while I was googling and trying to understand why my now ex-fiance ‘assbag’ of 4 years breaks up with me (2nd time in 3 months), demands no contact then calls me, bawls during the conversation then tells me “he says he needs space” AGAIN…. he did this 3 months ago also…so now I’m thinking he’s emotionally inept and I’m left feel totally confused. But I am finding your articles are helping me alot….so thank you!!!!
My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago we were together 5 months. We would meet each other once/twice a week due to work schedules. He would always keep in touch every day via text or a call. We would be texting numerous times a day and most of the time it would always be him texting me. He seemed to be making no effort to meet up on last 2 weeks it was always me suggesting we meet which we did. When I suggested we both make more of an effort to meet up more regularly. He broke it off saying we both in different places and thats how he feels. Found out 2 days ago he has gone on holiday with a female friend. He tried to keep texting after we broke up as if nothing was wrong so I asked him to stop. I have had no contact with him since I asked him to stop. Going to concentrate on myself for now and refrain from contacting him. Guess what I would like to know is there any hope in getting him back.

Get Over Ex Boyfriend You Still Love


What if she is back in this “i dont want a relationship right now” ideal again, due to my familiar outburst that brought her back to where I was before. I assume I should work on rebuilding attraction? And only texting her little by little and not all the time like we already were? Make her miss me some more? How exactly should I approach after reaching out again after a week or two?

You split for a reason…even if it's hazy now. But you and your ex-ex need to face what went wrong the first time if you're going to move forward, says couples therapist Robert Buchicchio, author of Taking Space, and then let it go, once and for all. Try hashing out the bigger points of what you want to do differently this time in a way that isn't threatening, like "It would make me happy if…" and have him do the same.

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First thank you so much for this website!!! I found it the other day and it has already helped so much with helping me feel empowered again and work on my own self-care. I love the way you describe everything, even though I am still having a hard time, your posts bring me back to reality and help me to focus on myself and know I deserve better. So the short story is I was friends with my ex for over a year at the same undergrad and we went on a service trip together. We started dating during the summer and it was long distance for about 6 months. All of my friends and I agreed that he was such a respectful, kind, and all around great guy. I thought things were going well, he would tell me how much he cared about me and how he was lucky and glad he met me. I was supposed to go to his friends NYE wedding with him. Two days before the wedding he called and said the military is more important to him, he can’t do long distance, and he hasn’t liked me for the past month and a half even when he came to my family’s house. I was heartbroken and it felt unreal because of all the plans he’d been making and things he’d been saying to me. I didn’t think he was the kind of guy who could lie to me. My friends are saying he could just be confused and nervous about having to start different schooling with the military. It feels like he didn’t even try to fix things and give it a chance. I hate how much he hurt me but I do still love and care about him. It hurts because it has only been 2 weeks and on Monday he sent me a song title (because he used to send me a song of the week) but nothing else. Then the other night he sent me a message on Snapchat but I’m trying really hard not to open it since he would see that I did. I am doing no contact and reading your article has helped convince me that I need to do it for myself and focus on myself not to get him back. I deserve a guy that truly loves me and will chase after me even if times get tough. Thank you for helping me realize this!
My ex girlfriend and I broke up about 6 weeks ago. From there all I had done was being needy and desperate. She would block me and unblock me and all I did was just like a fool was just beg and plead. Honestly I've understood the reason of the break up and I've accepted it and I understand how much I messed up... especially since I was sending her a message that I couldn't change. If you must know I am very confident and I know I can get her back if I do things correctly. We haven't talked in 2 weeks. and since then I've been working on myself and taking my time to understand my mistakes so i could learn from them. I know that she blocked me because i pressured her in such a bad way that led her to that choice and I know understand all my mistakes. I'm a very confident guy know but my question is how should I approach her. I really cannot connect her because she fully blocked me and i don't know if she wants to talk to me because i don't know wether she wants that or not. Now for the past few days she's been looking kind of sad since we haven't talked and she's been kind of starring at me and she also started to follow me ( trying to get my attention in a way) but also she's been trying to act like if she's the one in control and she doesn't really get affected so that kind of leads me to ask you guys What should I do at this point and also why is she trying to get my attention if she acts all so tough like if she's holding all the cards?

Absence is not something that comes naturally to people after a breakup, but it works to soften your ex-boyfriend’s heart again. In order for your ex to start missing you again and thinking about reconciling your lost relationship, you need to give him time away from you while his thoughts and feelings progress. If you’re constantly hanging around, your ex will never have a reason to miss you at all – and he will therefore not start thinking about getting back together.


I did the NC rule according to your plan for 30 days after I moved out. I contacted him via messenger, I just kept it causal, asking him how he was and how work was. He also came over with some stuff to my new apartment, stuff that I had forgot when I moved out. The meeting went well, although he had a mutual friend with him, which I thought was strange since it was the first time we met since we broke up. Anyway, he contacted me just about 20 mins after he left, saying how nice my new apartment was, some improvements I could do and so on.
Plus, it gives you the time to get past the initial unbearable phase of missing him and into a more even-tempered, secure mentality. Instead of trying to figure out signs your ex still loves you, you’ll be working on yourself and getting yourself into a better mindset. It gives you the space to say, “I don’t need him to be happy – I can be happy all on my own”.
For instance, in the future when he was traveling for business and staying alone in hotels he would plan ahead what to do in the evenings: phone his wife, work on his computer, read, watch his favorite TV shows.  He would NOT go to the hotel bar. If he met people in the lobby, if the acquaintances were women he would speak with them briefly and then say goodbye.  He would go out to dinner only with men friends.  If women joined them, he would not engage in one-on-one conversations with them. Alcohol, private time with women plus loneliness and a disconnected relationship with his wife had been a dangerous combination for him. 

Hi, I could really use some advice. Me and my girlfriend of 9 months just broke up about 2 weeks ago. I wish I would have read this article day 1 because I've broken every rule on here almost. This article is amazing and is helping me cope a lot. So anyways, me and my ex knew each other as aquaintances for about 7 1/2 years. She was in a relationship the whole time I knew her until I found out she had broken up with her boyfriend. We got together about 3 months after she broke her 7 year relationship. It was amazing constant love and attention doing little things for each other, taking care of each other, we moved in together after about a month and a half although we stayed with each other constantly before we moved I. Together. The whole time we were together it was amazing, we had our ups and downs but nothing too terrible. I screwed up and looked at naked pictures of one of her friends online, at the time I felt it was harmless but she found out and I realize how bad I hurt her. She almost left me right there. But we we're fixing things and it was going great, then she goes to California for work for a week and sleeps with another guy. Then comes home and tells me immediatly about it and that she can't do this anymore, but she made it clear she still loves me. She just doesn't know what she wants. She is now and has been seeing a guy since a day or 2 after we broke up and theyve been spending all their time together. I won't her back of course, and I know she still loves and cares about me. I'm just worried about loosing her completely. I'm going to try everything this article said to do and hope it works. But I was wondering if you think i was a rebound relationship or if this guy is a rebound relationship. Today will be day 1 of no contact.


Avoiding contact is not just a passive-aggressive way to make your ex miss you. It gives you time to do the things you need to do to prepare yourself for a new relationship (whether it's with your ex or someone new!). Take time during this month to get to know yourself as an individual and to work on areas that you may have let slip during your relationship with your ex. If you contributed to the breakup, this is the time to pinpoint your relationship weaknesses and do the hard work to improve as a human being.
Probably give it another 2-3 weeks to even a month if you have to, considering that its been some time since the break up but she still doesn't seem ready. You could send the elephant in the room letter after this NC, and if she does not respond positively towards you still, you might seriously want to consider letting go instead, because she may simply not be interested anymore.
Hi, so like so many others my boyfriend just broke up with me 3 days ago. My mind is definetly in the overreacting stage. We’d been going out for 8 months and honestly it was fantastic, I’ve never felt like somebody loved me as much as he did. I would wake up to “good morning, just a quick reminder that I love you” texts every now and then, and we never really left the honeymoon phase. So 4 weeks ago I went on holiday and he called me saying he missed me and when I got back he seemed very genuine in the missing me and loving me. Last time I saw him 2 weeks ago everything was as normal, very loving to each other, but just kinda curled up on the couch because I had some period pain. I apologised for not really doing anything with him that day and he said “I just feel weightless holding you and being with you, don’t worry.” The next week he began phasing me out over text (usually we would message everyday) until a week ago he shut me out completely saying he had family and work issues. I finally break his silence and he comes over and breaks up with me. He told me that it had been on his mind constantly for the past 2 weeks and everyone said noticed the anxiety change in him. He said he couldn’t sleep because he didn’t know what to do. When I asked why he said it was just all in his head and he couldn’t get it out. He said that it was him and not me and thanked me for being the best girlfriend he’s ever had... all the time he seemed emotionless and hugged me loosely. I was/am devestated, from my point of view nothing happened or changed and he was extremely out of character. Even his friends and family messaged me after saying how shocked they were and asking how I was. Of course I want him to come back and say it was a mistake but I don’t know if he will. I havnt contacted him since but his best friend wants to meet me for coffee next week... so do I meet her and break the no contact rule? Also is there a point? I don’t want to try for something that clearly won’t happen. I just need some outsider advice :(
It happens all the time, people lose their girlfriends and they want them back, but it doesnt happen. The reason why it doesnt happen, is because you dont know the tips and tricks that actually work. If you want to get an ex back, there are some things that you need to consider. The following are the best tips that you can take with you today to ensure that youre going to get the upper hand in your life. These take time, so dont think that youre going to get through with this overnight. Take your time, gain some confidence and hit these notes in getting your ex girlfriend back.

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Before we broke up we had talked about our relationship long-term and we both had the same hopes. Everyone saw our relationship as the real deal, and he even said it too. He said he just needs time to focus on himself, which I understand and that he still doesn't know what he wants. I am hoping that in the next few weeks we are both able to get our heads clearer and he is truly able to think about getting back together while I am focusing on myself. However, I am just not sure if the situation is going to change at all and I don't know what else I can do.
Hi, I just want to ask for advice. I've been broken up with my ex for over a month now. Fresh from the breakup, we still talled daily and met up at least once a week. During that month, she acknowledged that she still loved me but she still wants to remaon single because she is not in a safe place to give commitment. I, being the clingy dude I was, tried winning her back, even calling her over the phone. She would still answer when I call but is still firm on her decision. Finally last week, she said to me straight up that she had enough of me always bringing up the past and says she doesn't want to talk to me anymore so that I could move on and that I should forget that I stood any chance of getting back together with her. However, she hasn't blocked me on social media and my cellphone number. I'm not so sure how to feel right now, or if there is even a way to save the relationship. She said she broke up with me because I was too clingy, there would be times where we would have an argument because sometime I would see her online and would not give even a hi to me, even though she sais she doesn't really know why we broke up. Anything I can do to save the situation?

5. No contact shows that you’re a good listener. You can demonstrate to your ex that you possess the qualities they are looking for in a partner in that you are a good listener. Instead of acting selfishly by awkwardly hanging around being annoying and badgering your ex to take you back, you listened to what they had to say and responded by giving them what they said they wanted.

Then I tried to write him and tell him we need to get back together. But it was too late. I met him and he said he was sitting with a girl friend which he didnt talk to since our last breakup. He said our relationship was a total disaster, that it cant work. That he tried everything he could and swore that if the last time we cant make it go so thats it. He told me hes not going to come back with me and he is really happy by himself. Then he said that he doesnt love me, that he thought he did but he was wrong. Hes not even going to come to Ozzy Osborne concert with me and didnt want to give me my ticket.

Hi Lauren again... Well, quite some time passed by, we broke up 3 and a half months ago. I did try all this what you recommend here: waited, wrote the apology letter, asked him if we could talk about what could I have done better. This is what happened: we met for a coffee and had a good talk, just general catching up and casual subjects, however he didn't mention anything about our relationship and I didn't want to push him. It was a friendly time, with some sparks still there. Then we continued in email, I asked him again about what has gone wrong between us, to which he responded that it was mainly about HIM: he was too stressed about certain things in his life that had nothing to do with me. And mentioned a couple of concerns about me, but they were not anything serious. Then HE suggested that we should meet and discuss it, he will be happy to see me - but another month passed by and he didn't seem to be able to fit me in his extremely busy work schedule and stress and I indeed knew that they had something going on in the company. I was very understanding and not pushy at all. Maybe I was way too patient and gave him too much time: tonight, I saw him with another woman, walking in town, holding hands... Now, we will still meet once, because I forgot something at his place. I am totally clueless of how to behave toward him. Shall I pretend that I don't know anything and wait till he brings up that he already has somebody else, or shall I confront him? The worst thing is that he is one of the last men on Earth I would expect to be dishonest. What shall I do now? Now I am close to 50 and I have never been so happy with a man than with him, in fact, he was the first one I could have imagined to grow old with, and he used to be also very happy and planning a wonderful life together. And now I am in quite a shock. Thank you in advance! ...
My partner and I have been together a little over two years but recently broke up (he broke up with me) and I want to follow all these rules, as I believe I am strong enough to do it and I absolutely want him back however we do currently live together and study at the same school. I’m living in a new town and don’t have any family or friends here so providing space is hard. What do I do???

Persistence To Get Ex Back


You are hilarious!! I am laughing so loudly whilst reading your articles….I’m scaring my dogs! I came across your website while I was googling and trying to understand why my now ex-fiance ‘assbag’ of 4 years breaks up with me (2nd time in 3 months), demands no contact then calls me, bawls during the conversation then tells me “he says he needs space” AGAIN…. he did this 3 months ago also…so now I’m thinking he’s emotionally inept and I’m left feel totally confused. But I am finding your articles are helping me alot….so thank you!!!!
Hi Desireen. Nope…you are not crazy! You just want to figure out how to make things feel better for yourself and improve your chances. Its OK that you may have made some mistakes. He made plenty to. We all do. What matters is going forward and what you do. So its good to have an ex recovery plan, both for yourself and also doing things to optimize your chances of getting your ex back. My program is all about that. Go to my site’s home page to learn more about my ebooks, tools, resources, and many other things!

AND REMEMBER THIS: Guys want what they can’t have, it’s human nature. Recognize that it’s not you he wants, it’s the control that he wants because you’ve disarmed his power source (his ego. Deep down he’s an insecure ninny). You show him what you’re made of and introduce him to the girl that he never got a chance to meet: The one that doesn’t have time for the likes of him or ANYONE that treats her in a less-than manner.
There were a few problems in the past. He’s very sensitive and when he gets stressed he can’t handle much emotion. Because of this, he “broke up” with me in the past. It wasn’t really a break up, he kind of just stopped talking to me. It only took one or two days for him to reach out. He said that he was so sorry and that he was so devastated when he didn’t talk to me. He said that he couldn’t see himself with anyone else and the “break up” made him sick. I thought that this time was going to be like those in the past but after a few days he was still being cold. It’s been about two and a half weeks now since he broke up with me and a week since the last time we talked.
I've finally decided to calm down and stop pushing and go no contact and try to attract him back... but what I don't understand is....if he does come back ... how do people get trust back after something like that? How do people forgive their best friend and greatest supporter for suddenly dumping them and refusing to say why, even when they saw that not being given a reason was killing them? How do I ever feel safe with him again after that? How do I ever get over the really mean things he started saying during our post breakups fights, like that he might never see me again, or that his job and hobbies are more important to him than me? Even if he was just being mean I'll always wonder if he meant it now. How do I ever feel safe with him again when he watched me have a breakdown over our breakup and wasn't there for me and was still mean?

All of the crying, Instagram stalking, begging, analyzing, gossiping, playing detective, pleading and bargaining will get you nowhere and the pity and empathy that you are after will never happen. It turns men off, WAAYYYY off to know that you have such little confidence and such a minuscule life that you’re obsessed with their every move and obsessed with losing them. Men want to feel wanted, not psychotically needed. Beating yourself up is not going to help you either. Are you listening? Either make the mistakes that I’ve made in the past or wake the hell up and give this emotionally unavailable f*cktard a run for his money.
Your behavior after your breakup holds the key to your chances of getting your relationship back. There are a lot of mistakes to be made, and if you behave inappropriately or in the wrong manner, you may have the opposite effect that you’re looking for. In other words, if you’re not careful you may just push your ex-boyfriend away for good – and that’s the last thing in the world that you want to do. The problem is that getting a hold of your emotions after a breakup is an exceedingly difficult task.
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