Ive recently gotten out of a 2 and a half year realationship and it has torn me to shreds. It drove me crazy cause he didnt give me a reason as to why he left other then he "lost the spark" when he didnt see me and that he "needs to find himself". It drove me mad because he left me four days after spending an amazing weekend with me and 2 days after asking me to go on a trip with him. Knowing him im afraid that even if there is a chance, which i feel deeply in my heart that there must be that hes going to be too stuborn to allow himself to want me. Hes ignoring me when i try to contact for my stuff back. Hes not the type of person to go out and meet someone to have coffee or do anything ever, he wont message me and im afraid that if i leave for a month i wont get my stuff back and i wont be able to get him to see me. We had something so specail that changed the both of us, i feel that he too must still love me as much as i love him considering the way things were before he left. I cant and dont want to wait forever to get ny stuff back, and when i get my stuff that will be my only chance of seeing him. I dont know what to do, and i dont know how i could ever get him to message me and have a conversation even after giving him space. Hes so stuborn and so am i, but ive given into everything. I just really dont know what to do when everything throughout the day makes me think of him and i can no longer sleep at night while he has a new job and is doing perfectly fine ignoring me and everything.
Here’s my story, I would love to hear your insight and advice. I was with my bf , he’s 23, I’m 19, for a few months and I fell in love for the first time. After all the guys I’ve dated I’ve never ever felt this way with someone and the feelings were mutual, he told me loved me, wanted to marry me and have a family with me one day, he too said he has never felt this way before with anyone . It was genuine and loving and I saw a future with this guy which I’ve never seen with anyone and he the same. We spent a lot of time together, got to know each other, but he was insecure at times, worried about other guys which he didn’t have to do. At moments he pulled away, which I know guys do sometime, but the problem for me was they he would blow me off for his friends when we had plans, he just wouldn’t think and was in the moment. I told him on several occasions, it wasn’t cool, we’re together and you just can’t ditch me, he’d apologize, say he was wrong, etc. tbh, I felt like he was testing me, to see how much I’d put up with, but after speaking with him several times, he did it again. So after a week of him trying to see me, ( I put him off) I broke up with him, on the phone, I know I shouldn’t have done it that way, it was impulsive and stupid, but I was fed up. I felt like he was taking me for granted and I wasn’t going to put up with it. I have it together, I’m going to school full time, working full time, im smart, fun, good looking & athletic, I’m not trying to be arrogant and sound full of myself, it’s not my intent, but I’m secure and confident and I know my worth. In hind sight, I should’ve talked to him in person, I was wrong to do it that way. I’m not going to lie, it’s been hard, I do care about him and miss him but we had no contact for 4 weeks, until I saw him at work one day, I was surprised to see him as we wouldn’t normally run into each other. He came right up to me and hugged me, he was so warm affectionate, I couldn’t believe it, he wouldn’t leave my side, hugged me from behind, any excuse to touch me or talk to me. We did talk for a bit, he apologized again to me for treating me the way he did, and was def remorseful. I apologized too for breaking up with him the way I did, and said I was wrong to do that to you. And that I didn’t break up because I didn’t love him or have feelings for him but because I felt he didn’t respect my time or value me. He also asked me if I was dating and was bold enough to asked if I hooked up with anyone,(which I have not) he was annoyed thinking about it. I told him I did not, and that I cared about him. I prob made a mistake saying that, even if it was true, it gave him peace of mind I def don’t have. I am asked out and dating but didn’t tell him, another mistake . He said he wanted to get together and talk more, but couldn’t after work because he had a meeting.that evening. So we went our separate ways. I texted him a few days later saying it was good to see him and let’s get together soon, we texted back and forth a bit, but never went anywhere . So that’s a little over 2 weeks ago, and I have not texted him, not looked at social media, nothing, fell off the earth. I felt he was avoiding me or not sure, I just don’t know. I felt he still cares about me based on when I saw him, but he’s not tried to see me. I heard he’s dating someone too. As much as it hurts and I still care about him, I care about myself more and won’t put up with not being treated right. In the mean time, I’m living my life, focusing on myself, school, work, friends & family. I’m also continuing to date. I would love your help and opinion on what to do, I would love to work things out but we are at a stand still. Thank you 🙂
It is important to take time after breaking up and before trying to get your ex back to examine your own emotions and decide if you truly should be with that person. Rekindled relationships often suffer from a lack of trust and can be more likely to cycle on-again-off-again with repeated breakups. If you're not 100% sure that you want to be with this person in the long-term, avoid further pain by doing your best to get over your ex instead of pursuing him or her again.
While Peter was suffering deeply, journaling in emails enabled Peter's initial thoughts and feelings to flow through a natural grieving and healing process. Having a trusted friend or relative to talk with can help similarly. The first shock of a separation typically induces a reaction similarly to the disbelief and pain of loss that people experience after the sudden death of a loved one. Peter's journal entries enabled him to dump, explode and vomit out his distress, launching his recovery process.
You have to look at both negative and positive aspects of your ex and your relationship. Every couple on the face of this planet fights, but if you two broke up, then chances are there was something seriously wrong with your relationship. Think about your relationship rationally. Don’t let your emotions control your thoughts. Imagine, you are a parent and your child was in the same situation as you, would you still tell your son or daughter to get their ex back?
Get Ex Boyfriend To Want You Back
According to research, the number one cause of the breakup of romantic relationships is failure to communicate. If your relationship was otherwise happy, this problem can often be fixed by setting clear expectations and openly discussing frustrations before things explode in a big fight. Other issues can be harder to overcome, like infidelity or jealousy; but with work and counseling, even these types of issues are possible to work through.
You also need to avoid displaying your vulnerability in the form of begging, pleading or bargaining your way back into your ex-boyfriend’s heart. You can’t guilt-trip him into giving you a second chance at your romance. A desperate ex-girlfriend isn’t attractive to anyone, least of all your ex-boyfriend. Guys simply don’t like emotional reactions to things, and they’ll want to keep their distance from you as much as possible. This clearly isn’t going to help you win back his heart if he’s keeping you at arm’s length.
I would like to share a comment with the dr. I experienced the separate therapist scenario and you are correct. the outcome is most certain to be divorce as was mine. Also in response to Alice. I read the book the verbally abusive relationship and although some people are prone to abuse, the author, in my opinion does not share or give any inspiration as does Susan. The author empowers women who need validation to end a relationship without having to do any work or communicate with there partner how verbal abuse may be affecting them. It's an incurable disease according to the author, and a very easy way out of a relationship, as well as a way to exonerate oneself from any and or even partial responsibility for divorce. I guess what's most important is verbal abuse is prevalent and can do serious harm to ones self esteem. it's not a death sentence and once it's brought to light, talked about and understood, can make a relationship stronger. If two people want to be together! Most times once a diagnosis is reached by an unhappy spouse, it's over and this book, as I said before, is the validation needed because once you determine you have been verbally abused your free to go and take no responsibility as the Author points out it's the fault of the abuser who has a death sentence and there fore you must get away.
A week ago my boyfriend of 7 years told me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. That he still cared and loved me but that he wasn’t happy and the spark was gone. He was my whole world, this has been the hardest thing I have ever done. The problem is that we have to still share an apartment together for another month until I can get my own. I have been trying to stay busy and thinking positive thoughts. But it’s hard when you still have to see him.
It's always better to be late than never realizing the mistakes made at all. You definitely didn't ruin your chances or made a mistake in texting him about no contact, and as you've said, no contact should ultimately be for your benefit as its meant to pick yourself up from the breakup and become a better version of yourself, which should in turn convince your ex to come back when he sees the changes.
my ex boyfriend and i were together for almost two years when he broke up with me. he said he needed space and i didnt give it to him abd he was stressed about money and work. he said he wasnt happy and that there is no chance of getting back together. post break up i was really desperate texting him and calling. we work together so we have to see each other and he gives me a lot of mixed signals but he is flirting with another girl. please help me get him back
HI Kim…thanks for stopping by. As I talk about in my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, this whole focus on No Contact is just about getting him back, but its also very much about doing things for yourself in a realistic and pragmatic way so if it doesn’t work out, then you path into the future can (and will) be fulfilling. Be careful about reading too much into what guys say during and after a breakup. He may very well not know his feelings that well. He might think he does, but time has a way of telling us the truth about our relationships. To optimize your chances, take a look at some of the ebooks I have written which you can find on my website Menu/products link. Let me know how things go for you Kim!
Black Magic To Get Ex Back