Even when someone breaks up with another person, sometimes the habit of being together and talking remains there because the other person would probably feel the gap in his/her life just as much as the person they broke up with. However, understand that you're on the losing end by accommodating to him because he is currently using your company to fill the void so that he doesn't have to deal with the emotions himself, while you probably feel everything, from the hurt of seeing him but not being together, to the confusion of the situation. NC might be a better choice to deal with the breakup, and if he genuinely still wants to be friends after, you can take it from there to see how it progresses.
In 2012, my little brother Adam died. My life shattered, and I spent the next month drunk in bed. It had been four years since Mary and I had spoken, but it spoke volumes to me that she came out of the woodwork to send me a handwritten note expressing her sorrow for Adam’s death. Through everything—the fights, the skipped plans, the immaturity—she found it in herself to reach out to me. I was blown away, and she was back in my life. We learned that we only lived a few blocks away from each other, and that is how we started dating for the fourth and final time. Once again we started seeing each other as friends. We always met up at this one café in the Lower East Side. I’d get a coffee, and she’d get a bagel.
Hi Lauren... Please please help me My ex broke up with me three weeks ago. After the break up I begged him for two days. Then I did no contact for a week and tried to reconcile which lead to me begging again for two days when he said no. So now I have done a no contact for two weeks . He hasn't been in touch with me since. I am worried he may never get in touch again. It is a long distance relationship and difficult to go and see him anytime. Why did we break up? We argued about something...he ignored me for few days then when we spoke I basically shouted at him for ignoring me we then got into a massive row and said things back and forth which resulted in him saying 'I can't do this anymore it's over,' Lauren, we had broken up before and it took us six months to get back together because in that six months we were both going back and forth, when he was ignoring me I wasn't and when I was ignoring him he wasn't, we went back and forth like this for a while until eventually we both just kissed and made up and it was all good for a month until the next row. I feel that when we are together we never argue but when we talk on the phone we argue. I explained this to him, but he doesn't seem to listen or care about how good we are and does not wanna work on this relationship anymore. Please advise what I can do.... ...
Since you started no contact in late September, it would probably be better to wait another week at least before you reach out to thank her for sending your stuff. You could use that opportunity to start a conversation with her and if she responds positively, continue towards building up a level of comfort and attraction between the two of you again. Use the guidelines in our other articles to help you along your way.
So I’d like to preface this by saying I’m a woman and my ex-fiancée is a woman as well. I do find most of this page to apply, but it is challenging having two women with all of that emotion and overthinking. I’ve finished with the no contact period after my ex broke up with me, and contacted her with my “elephant in the room” message. I know she’s in the “missing phase” from texts she’s sent me, and thought it was the perfect time to send it. I am in a good place and am feeling more positive every day. I was prepared for the possibility of her responding, and how to close the conversation before giving her a few days of digestion. However, I was not prepared for her response. My message included: an apology for my behavior after the breakup, that I accepted the breakup and think it was for the best, and my positive change. Her response was “I’m glad you’re doing well. I’m not.” I’m thrown off by this, because I’m almost worried that she’s under the impression I’m moving on (although I never said anything of the sort), and she seems almost upset at my message. I’m unsure on how to respond to this- hoping you can offer me some advice. I could be totally overthinking this, but we were together for five years and I know her very well and can decipher texts. But now that we’re broken up, I could just be analyzing too much. Please help! I really don’t want to screw this up :)

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In 2016 I moved to live with him and his parent’s house in another state. In February- he said he needed space, I left and we didn’t talk for 4 days. Then I stayed with his Aunt for two weeks. Back in March, he told me to come back home because he wanted things to work and was going to change so things worked. (He just stopped making time for me, acting distant, and always seemed annoyed with me) Well, nothing changed. He still acted distant toward me and not very interested in me. He does operate 3 businesses and is always busy but something changed. It was never a problem before. After a few weeks back home, things were decent. Then the week of April 10th he started acting weird again. I confronted him and he agreed that nothing changed. I asked him “well did you make an effort to change things?” he said “no” so I told him well things are not going to change unless you want them too. Long story short- he broke up with me. I had to pack my bags and MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE because I had no family around. Mind you after we broke up, he left. He has not contacted me AT ALL. He left the house and I packed my stuff. I even left him a note and has not contacted me. He is posting more than usual on Instagram, he seems fine. I’m over here devastated- I had the rug ripped out from underneath me. I need to start over- career, life in general….everything. His life wasn’t completely flipped upside down. He is the love of my life and I don’t want to lose him. He hasn’t contacted me at all. He has asked mutual friends “how is she?” and even told a mutual friend “I haven’t reached out because I don’t know what to say and I don’t want to start an argument.” I want him to call me and tell me he made a mistake.

How To Get My Ex Boyfriend Back After I Dumped Him


Hi Lauren, I have a question that is related in a big way, but not too related in others. You mentioned the concept of men doing the pursuing and women doing the recieving. I'm on my 4th Mars Venus book - Mars and Venus on a Date - and I noticed that this is a huge theme in the book. So my question is: What do you do if a guy gives you his number and says "call/text me"? When I first met my ex, I felt like I was pursuing him a bit because this is the way he approached me. We met working on a project, but to build off of our newfound friendship I attempted to flirt and create the opportunity for him to pursue me. We dated for about a year and I thought he could have been the one - until recently when we hit a wall in communicating that I felt I had to end it (since then I've been educating myself through therapy and Mars Venus books!). But, while at the time I never questioned the success/failure in me doing some reaching out, looking back now I'm wondering if that's something I could have done differently? The problem is, I wouldn't know how! It's a tricky situation. What happened was, like I said, he gave me his number (without me asking for it) and said to contact him. So I did and it went well! Then for our first date, from what I remember, I suggested that it would be nice to get to know eachother more. He told me to let him know when I wanted to go out. I pushed back this time and insisted that he should be the one asking me out, but he refused. To refrain from more back and forth, I planned the date. After that he became much more assertive and started asking me out and presenting me with ideas. But I'll be honest, I was a little turned off at his insecurity at first. He later told me he wanted to ask me out but was just very nervous, so I decided not to dwell on it and just appreciate that it worked out despite how it happened. But because I didn't want to do the pursuing, how would I have gotten him to do it?
Sometimes, relationships turn sour and we break up. It is normal. If you can’t stop thinking about your ex-boyfriend and you think you still have a shot with him, this article will help you get him back. The following tips will make it easier for you to handle the breakup and get him back in love with you. Analyze the situation well and determine if you still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend. If you still do, follow everything written in this article and you could get him back.
Not sure about this stiring of jealousy so to speak. I’ve tried to use a little bit of jealosy for my guy to realise I want him to call me as we haven’t spoken for days and also another time to make us ‘official couple’ and it backfired. As these events were near each other he exploded in once about both accusing me of being unloyal. Though my fault was that I simply sent him a screenshot of a guy (whom I talked to while we were on a break with him) who asked me out and I answered I’ve got back with my boyfriend. I said to my guy I was rejecting others while I didn’t even received responce from him. He got even more quiet and few days later after finally asking him was he angry about something he pushed me away saying he didn’t think it would work with me as I was chatting to others. He’s been hurt by an ex gf and is pretty much on the lookout for clues about unloyalty. Maybe for guys who are not that jealous yeah but I wouldn’t use this method any more!

Work on your self-esteem. If you struggle with neediness, you're probably a little lacking in the self-esteem department. You might be looking for your ex to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else. It makes them feel guilty, obligated and eventually, resentful towards you.
According to research, the number one cause of the breakup of romantic relationships is failure to communicate. If your relationship was otherwise happy, this problem can often be fixed by setting clear expectations and openly discussing frustrations before things explode in a big fight. Other issues can be harder to overcome, like infidelity or jealousy; but with work and counseling, even these types of issues are possible to work through.

This is great Eric. I’ve struggled for a while with a guy that’s not really been putting in much effort, I think because I was always there waiting for him and over functioning. He’s just broken up with me and I realise how much of myself I had lost and how I wasn’t taking care of my own happiness. I kind of for drawn into his hot/cold behaviour and felt anxious uneasy. I’m going to take my life back and take care of myself and be gracious and honest with him. I shouldn’t pin all my hopes on another person but all my hopes on myself. I really hope for a big shift on perspective on the inside after this. Of course I am heartbroken but I realise I fall into the same pattern in every relationship so this breakup is a big sign to change.

Hi, I need some major help. I am 46 and found the woman of my dreams. Our relationship was great, but all of the sudden out of the blue she said that "she loves me, but is not in love with me". I knew this was not the case by her actions, she was very loving, intimate, and by how she looked at me. that was on a Tuesday. I kept in contact with her for a couple days and found out that she was not in the same place I was in the relationship. She said that she felt nervous and rushed into the relationship and was not ready to take it to the next step. On Thursday, she broke it off with me and said she needed time to to think. Well, I was stupid and kept sending her messages and trying to talk to her because it was just such a shock to me, I was having a very hard time understanding. On Saturday, she blocked all my accounts and said she would contact me "If and when she was ready". I have NO CLUE what to do now. Obviously there will not be any other contact unless she initiates it. I know I have to do the no contact now, but is it too late? Is there anything I can do to fix this? She gave me a whole 48 hours after the breakup to calm down and understand and give her the space she needs. PLEASE HELP!!
When he said you ruined his life, I think he means you ruined his set up (which of course you didn’t, he had set himself up to be doomed), and if he loved his fiancé why would he need you too. Perhaps he needs to leave and join a polygamist culture where they can all pretend to love each other equally on tap, whereas you will be free to find the exclusive partner you deserve.
“The full details of Dr. Ford’s polygraph are particularly important because the Senate Judiciary Committee has received a sworn statement from a longtime boyfriend of Dr. Ford’s, stating that he personally witnessed Dr. Ford coaching a friend on polygraph examinations,” Grassley wrote. “When asked under oath in the hearing whether she’d ever given any tips or advice to someone who was planning on taking a polygraph, Dr. Ford replied, ‘Never.'”

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SIDE NOTE: You may feel as if I am really grilling your approach to relationships here, but as I said, there’s a positive purpose to it. You need to see what went wrong first so that when you apply my how to win your ex back steps, you won’t be sabotaging the effectiveness of those steps by behaving in the ways that got you dumped in the first place.
Before you try to win back your ex-boyfriend, you must reflect on what happened in the relationship. You must be careful not to toy with the feelings of your partner. You do not want to cause him any further pain or hurt. If you made a rapid decision without giving much thought to what you did, you need to give the situation much thought now. You need to evaluate the whole situation well.
The weird part was when I had one guy leave me as soon as I had another he got jealous. He was so pissed he set his carpet on fire. I usally do the break ups but when he broke up I went with another guy I wasn’t realy all that interested in. I basiclly went with him because I was bored. Needless to say it was interesting when his brother told me the guy was so pissed he set the carpet on fire, I told him the truth and we got back together. I’m not sure how long it lasted but he and I stayed friends after I broke up this time. The last I heard he had issues with his life. Oh well boys will be boys I wonder what Eric thinks of that.
Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!
He apologised and i accepted his apology and we got back together. withing the 1st month of the apology, everything went well and i was happy things went well between us like before. But within 2 months of his apology, he started picking fights and arguing with me again about things he'd like to buy etc... he's a shopaholic. he wanted to break up with me again.
How about women just be themselves and if the guy starts withdrawing, then he’s lame and doesn’t want a real person anyway. It’s not my problem that he can’t deal with someone who is an actual feeling, thinking, bleeding human being. I’m so sick of this type of dating advice, that women always have to be the ones to adjust themselves to appease someone else’s weird tepid behavior. That we have to be the ones to “work” on ourselves t in order to land some dud dude who’s half interested. I’m over it.
Probably give it another 2-3 weeks to even a month if you have to, considering that its been some time since the break up but she still doesn't seem ready. You could send the elephant in the room letter after this NC, and if she does not respond positively towards you still, you might seriously want to consider letting go instead, because she may simply not be interested anymore.
My god, you have described men to a ‘t’! Any man that’s rotunda having had a lot of ego & the truth is they are pussycsts underneath! Thankyou for this – it’s saved my heart as it’s reminded me of everything I already know but sealed it, no empathy and heart break after being left with our tiny baby after being very in love or atleast I thought we were! Apparently he wants to ‘be free’ and not be ‘ tied down’! Says he doesn’t love me, never did but tried! I’m a fairly ok attractive woman (just so you don’t think he pulled out bcs I have one leg or something) so much so that he begged me to get a tattoo of his initials as he loved me so much! but I pulled out. How does that work then????am mans madly in love with you, sees you vulnerable and kegs it! Nice ?

It may sound like common sense but you’d be surprised to know that many people hope to get back with someone they deeply care for, but do nothing to change some of their negative habits or behaviors. Most of the time there are no magic tricks or quick fixes that can bring back the one you love into your life if you haven’t sorted out some of the negative behaviors from your previous relationship.


Right now, he probably feels overwhelmed by your actions which resulted in him feeling that you were pushy. I suggest taking a step back for now and go into no contact. Spend this time picking yourself up emotionally and mentally, and focus on doing things to keep yourself happy in the meantime. You could reach out again sometime down the road in a more casual manner if you feel ready, and this means to avoid having expectations and being okay with whatever happens.
Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke ip 1 month ago. I am 27 and he is 26. He is in the coast guard and he lives in Maryland and I am in NYC. We have been LDR since the beginning, but he only joined the Coast Guard 1 year ago. I have been doing No Contact for 3 weeks now. He was the one who broke up with me and after we broke up he was texting me days afterward nice and positive text messages. Since I have started NC he hasn’t reached out via text but still like some of my stuff on Social Media and is looking at it. We broke up because he felt like he loved me but wasn’t as in love with me anymore and that maybe we were on 2 different paths. He also said “maybe we can get back together one day. My parents got back together after they broke up,” my question is is 30 days of NC good enough or should I go longer? I have been making positive changes in my life, but since things ended so positively I have been confused.
My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago. He won't answer my calls or texts and blocked me on Facebook. I am trying so hard to stop contacting him via text but it's hard because we talked everyday for six months. I cry and miss him terribly and he won't talk to me. I am trying to hard to do the 30 day no contact rule. my email is [email protected]
If you feel that he is unable to give you the attention you need, perhaps it would be better to focus on moving on as he may not be right for you. However, if this is a temporary phase and you think that it would get better, then maybe giving both parties a break right now by doing no contact would be good since it allows for some breathing room and for him to focus on what he needs to do right now, while you figure out whether his lack of attention towards you is something you're able to accept.

I did the NC rule according to your plan for 30 days after I moved out. I contacted him via messenger, I just kept it causal, asking him how he was and how work was. He also came over with some stuff to my new apartment, stuff that I had forgot when I moved out. The meeting went well, although he had a mutual friend with him, which I thought was strange since it was the first time we met since we broke up. Anyway, he contacted me just about 20 mins after he left, saying how nice my new apartment was, some improvements I could do and so on.


Your relationship with a special guy has come and gone, but now you want him back. It's not unheard of for a couple to get back together after they've taken time away from each other, so don't give up hope. Just be sure to put plenty of thought into the reasons you broke up before attempting to get back together, as this can help you make the relationship work the second time around.
Ok sorry about how long this is going to be. So my ex and I were together for about 3 months and while that may be short it was great and we were both very happy. Unfortunately she started stressing because she was afraid of committing to a relationship. I also started stressing because she has lots of guy friends and she was hanging out with one a lot but now i know theres nothing between them. So after I started noticing that she was distancing herself so after a month of her distancing herself I asked what was going on and I asked for better communication. Then she said that we should just be friends and I was upset by this. A lot lol. So first week or 2 I was really upset and she could tell. After that I did NC for 2 weeks. After that I texted her a bit and got a very positive response, but after I realized I really wasn't ready to talk to her again so I did NC a week later for a month. During that NC she tried to talk 3 times and at the end of the month her best friend texted me and told me that she was really upset that I wasn't talking to her. So later that day my ex contacted me and said she was really upset and she missed me. So after that we started talking again and it was great for the next 2 months but eventually I started stressing because I over think all the time. She asked what was wrong and I broke and told her I really missed us being together and I understood that she probably didn't feel the same. After that I realized I hadn't really changed in the past few months so I did NC again this time for 2 months and I read your articles. She only contacted me once to say happy birthday but that's not important. After NC i did the elephant in the room and we are now talking again every day for hours. She regularly makes physical contact (playfully) and she really likes talking and hanging out with me. I'm just confused and I need help. I don't know what to do. I know she still really cares about me but she probably doesn't feel ready for a relationship still. What do I do now? Thanks and sorry for making this so long
It is not advisable to think brash decisions when one is in love. You need to take your time, evaluate and consider all options. It is only after you have done this that you can decide to go back to your ex. Do not take any step without thinking about what happened. Evaluate what led to the breakup, think about how it happened and think about what you can do to rectify the situation.

Now its been 2 months and we text daily and i did no contact for 2 weeks. However, he doesn't text me as often anymore (30 - 10 hours for a reply), hang out with me, or ask me to hangout with him like it was during our post break up before I went no contact. Now I feel like he has moved on and lost me because he is always with friends and never reaches out to me. Should I move on too or still try to get him back and rebuild what was lost?
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