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I really need some advice, my ex and I have known each other since childhood. One day last year he started flirting online with me and then we started texting and really hit it off. He lived out of state and I wasn’t ready for long distance, but he still kept trying for me. So after months of flirting and falling more and more I decided we can give long distance a try since he comes back to our home town often and I can go visit him. After a few months of that things were good and he actually as able to move back home and we were so perfect for each other. Saw each other all the time and fell more in love, spent time with both our families all the time and every one was happy. Then my life got stressful with work and studying for Med school applications. And he got a new job that was very demanding and took a lot of his time. I noticed things became distant when he didnt have time to see me or even just relax with me, he always had work first and his family is also very demanding and took a lot of his time as well. I was planning on talking to him about the issues but he’s not one to be up front and talk things out, he rather tell me “its okay ” so i thought there were no issues, when in reality i pushed him to far and kept asking to see him or plan things or complain when he didnt even have energy to talk after work. We had date night once a week and i would see him maybe once or twice on weekends and that was okay with me, but i still made him feel bad about it. One day he had so much work he asked for me to leave him alone for a weekend and that upset me and i ended up calling him one to many times, and he exploded and told me he can’t do this any more that he needed his space and to break up, he said he wanted to figure himself out and get his life in order and that he felt bad that he didnt have the time a girl friend like me deserves and that he didnt want to hurt me anymore. I was devastated, this messed up my studying and my life for weeks. We didnt communicate for a week then i ran into him at an event, we talked some but knew it wasn’t the right time or location for a chat like this. Then we talked a few days later but everyone was still heated, he said he didnt have the answers i needed and he doesn’t know what the future holds and that he’s sorry he had to do this to me and hopes we can be friends later that we just need space now. Yet he says he cares about me and still has feelings for me. Im so confused, and probably asked to soon if he can see himself with me again, since he did the same exact thing to his last girlfriend for the same reasons and took her back. He tells me he doesn’t know what our future will be more then friends or not and doesn’t want to give me false hope…. If he worked on his own issues and i worked on mine could we get back together in a few months? he keeps saying i did nothing wrong and its all him and his own issues, but i know i was needy and acted ways I’m not proud of. I was just so scared to lose him i ended up pushing him away. I just want to know how to get him back or make him realize if we just talk about our issues instead of running from them maybe things would be smoother when were both on the same page. I really love him and deep down know he still cares for me and loves me. Im just so scared to say the wrong things now and push him away even more. He is having a major surgery soon and i care so much, but don’t want to make him think I’m needy. Could he really have his own personal issues? or did he just use that excuse to let me down easy? He tells me there is no one else but i don’t want him to move on without me during this space period if we don’t talk about things. Please help I’m a lost soul, this is my first heart break and after over a year of talking and almost 9 months dating i just can’t see why he would leave me so suddenly with out answering any questions. Is there any way to get him back? I try to contatct him as little as i can so he has space but its hard and we are still friends on social media even though he deleted all signs of our relationship together. i just worry so much that i lost my best friend and will never have him back in my life as even a friends. When we do talk i ramble and talk in circles and i know thats pushing him away more so I’m trying to stop. I just over think everything and always questioned everything and i guess it showed I’m insecure when i really have bad anxiety over a lot of things. he was always so supportive and calming and then he just left me over one fight, our first fight….I just want to talk about all i have thought about since he left me and how i hope to fix things so we can grow together. what should i do!? sorry for the long post I’m just a very confused heart broken girl who lost the love of my life, at 25! thanks for the help
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Sometimes the break up is so unique or troubling or complex, that it requires some specialized coaching. Or sometimes, people do better if they can talk to someone who is an expert at helping folks with their relationship troubles. Well, if you fall into that category, then you are in luck. All you need to do is reach out to me (i.e. click Coaching Services in my website’s Menu Section) and I am sure we can work out something!
Work on yourself. Take some time to work out whatever problem may have ended your relationship, and just spend time enjoying your own company or hanging out with friends. Make a list of three flaws that you'd like to change about yourself, and slowly start to address them. It takes a lifetime to grow as a person, but even taking small steps to become your ideal steps can help your relationship.
But sometimes filling your life with positive things is not enough. In fact, having a good vibe isn’t really about having the things you love around you or trying to imprint the idea that you feel good into your mind. It’s more about removing the self-destructive, negative thinking (and the behavior that the negative thinking creates) – i.e. changing the lens that you see the world yourself and your situations through.
My ex had consistently chased me for 6 years throughout the whole of school and after, we were always really close friends and i was always too afraid to progress further incase that friendship got ruined. Even in his one other long term relationship he admitted to still always wanting to be with me and even throughout the good times with his ex he still imagined doing those things with me instead. Then after going through a hard time with a previous ex myself and having him support me we began to get close again and eventually ended up starting a relationship. And while at first i was slightly unsure about it, it quickly became clear it was the best decision i’d ever made, he was so madly in love with me and for the first time i felt so confident that someone felt like the luckiest person alive to be with me. He absolutely adored me and treated me like a queen. 2 and a half years later, and only just coming back off a wonderful week long holiday together with his family.. out of the blue, it’s over. Seeming in a bit of a bad mood one day i asked him if he was okay or if i’d done something and got the ‘we need to talk’ text. My stomach immediately dropped and i felt sick, but didn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume the worst. He came over that evening and told me he thought things had changed and that for weeks he’d had this feeling of that ‘sometimes’ he just wants to be my friend. Sometimes?! Even though that morning he’d commented on how it was our anniversary and 2 days previously we had even been on a date night where he’d complained because i had red lipstick on meaning he couldn’t kiss me and asked me to sit next to him in the bar instead of opposite him so he could put his arm around me, not really ‘i just want to be your friend behaviour’ right?
Such great advice! For the first time since my bf has been ignoring me hardcore, I smiled at the thought that he’s really just a ninny ? The jerk left without a word and won’t pick up the phone when I call… No explanation just disappeared (I assume he’s my ex now?). I think I can handle ignoring him now. It’ll be hard, but this is encouraging. Thanks!
I realized two things then – I have to change and get Paul back! Being friends with him was not enough! My friends told me about a bunch of books, but when I looked at them, I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to read all of them. Most were more like a textbook, which I had enough of at school. And then I saw your book. It was easy to read and opened my eyes to many problems I had. I didn’t expect that getting him back was going to be so easy. Although, at the beginning, it was difficult to follow your advice and I even had to ask a friend to make sure I do everything I’m supposed to.
Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.
Hlo ,on 27th June he broken up with me,we spnd lot of time together,he is my first love and everything for me,ours relationship was to good evn in school all teachers know about tht we are in relationship, all students said made for each other ,I think about him always every minute ,I was wanting a2nd chance to solve the problem but he decided to breakup evn he doesn’t give any reason why he want to break up with me,i had sent him lot of msgs to convenience him,bt I also force him to continue the relationship otherwise I do sucide and all ,I know there is my mistake and I’m feeling guilty about this ,I was do this only because I don’t want let him go bt after doing this he starts hating.now he don’t evn want to talk me ,it’s hard it’s realize that I will never be with this boy again ,he is the boy who does not want to make me cry bt now he hates me because of my reason bt later I apologise him and try to convince him and pleased him to talk evn as a frnd but he doesn’t so please please please give me some advice how I get him back because I don’t want to leave him in any condition
Well she called me Sunday and I was asking her what was wrong. She said she didn't know, she just didn't feel like herself and that she felt weird. She was acting kind of weird like she wanted to tell me something but was playing dumb. So we stay on the phone for the rest of the night just talking about whatever. We laughed n shit. It was good. Then she told me that she wanted to play Fortnite Saturday night but didnt wanna bother me. I said I did too but I didn't because of the night before. I told her I was surprised that she called me to talk. She asked "you didnt want me to?" and I said "no of course but again, friday". She said "yeah I know". I told her why I didnt talk to her Saturday so I could have a clear mind about things and what happened. Told her I missed her and we got into talking about getting back together. She was taking it really well and listening. Not much conversation. She said she was gonna get a shower and that shed call me when she got out. So she calls me back and I was gonna forget the conversation but she said "you had something you wanted to talk about?" and I thought she wanted to talk about it too so I brought it up again and she just said "well I already told you how I felt on Friday". I said "yeah I know" and changed the subject and we fell asleep on the phone. She also facetimed me for a lil while like we used to.
If you want your relationship to get back on track, then you need to be humble and accepting what happened. You can’t get your ex boyfriend back by pointing fingers at him. You have to be humble throughout the whole discussion as this is the best approach to tackle this situation, and it will make your ex comfortable with you which will mend broken hearts.
I am going to warn you now. You will be possessed by this intense desire to contact him. If only you could talk to him, you think, you would just explain everything and all would be forgotten. Well, it seldom works that way. Chances are your efforts will be ignored which will just make you feel worse. Or you will successfully reach your ex boyfriend and he and you will end up having a heated or disappointing conversation, leaving you feeling bad and rejected yet again. It’s almost always a no win situation because neither one of you are well equipped right now to deal with your emotional states. So just cool your heels and keep reading!
I would suggest that you try to stay focused and pick yourself up from this first. She may have the 'pick of the litter', but keep in mind that she did love you through the period you were together and probably still does have certain feelings for you. However, because she is in the new relationship with the other guy which is 'novel', she definitely has taken a stronger interest there at this point because its still a new thing. Work on improving yourself now because if ever there comes a point where you and her cross paths, you would want to be in the position to make a strong impression and to test her true feelings with the other boyfriend she's now with.
I’m doing NC (although difficult as we will see each other around the area but will limit to smiles and nods and hello) and we have a lot of shared friends on social media. I don’t have any specific questions but wondering if there’s a uniqueness with the daughter angle when and if I decide to contact her? I know a big part of any new relationship will be for the daughter to see my positive changes and not just my ex.
To be frank, no one can say for sure whether the next relationship that our ex gets into would last long or not, but you'll also have to think logically about it and realize that after 4 years of being together with one person, getting into a new relationship with someone else would come across as novel and exciting. It may not be awhile until it actually hits him, and he realizes that he had lost something valuable (you), and decides to talk to you again, especially if the new relationship starts giving him problems.
In the next few weeks, you need to have a new man interested in you. Find one or fabricate one, but by all means you have a new flame according to anyone that he may know. You don’t need to announce it in smoke signals, but if you are asked, smile and discreetly say that yes, you are dating someone. It may sound nuts, but it does help you gain the piece of mind. If you’re not ready to date and still missing him every second of every day, that’s fine. I understand. But HE doesn’t have to know that.
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After one year, we moved in together. We both were ready for it. And let me say, he was the easiest and most compatible person that I have ever lived with (and I have had around 15 different roommates in 5 years). We never bickered about anything, our relationship just felt more important to me to let little things get in the way. Summer was great, we spent almost every free moment on the lake, enjoying each others time and relaxing. Once ski season started, we sunk into a routine. I did not have one day off (except for Christmas and New Years day). This did not leave a lot of “US” time. I see that now. However it would not have made much of a difference since he coaches on the weekends as well. I had never really experienced the “Honeymoon Phase” before. I have been in a couple other relationships before however those just didn’t work out for other reasons.
I’m just so confused because there was absolutely no sign that anything had changed. If anything i thought we seemed happier than ever. He text me a few times after the relationship ended 3 weeks ago but since our last conversation there has been zero contact for about 13 days now. And i don’t know how to deal with what’s happened so suddenly or to even try make sense of it. How can we have such a huge history and such a loving relationship then him just seem so cold and be able to cut me off so easy? No body that knows him or us as a couple can believe it. Any advice or thoughts would be hugely appreciated and how should i go about trying to reconcile with him. Thank you xxx
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Eventually he told me he can not stand it anymore and although he loves me he cant be with me. So we didnt talk for 2 days, and then he wrote me that Im the love if his life and he wont give up on this. But I decided to take a step back cuz it hurt me. So I told him we need to do the talk and decide what we are gonna do. After 2 weeks we finally did it and had a big fight. Then we decided to try again. So we met again and it just led to nowhere. We went in circles, could not even find a place to go to do the talk because of my stubbornness and his lack of understanding...
THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM WHICH WE ALL GET THROUGH IN OUR LIFE TIMES I SAW THIS WOMAN ON FACEBOOK WHO HELPED ME GET MY HUSBAND AFTER HE HAD ABANDONED US AND THE KIDS . SHES KIND AND SHES SUCH A GREAT LISTENER SHE ASKED FEW QUESTIONS AND PROMISED AND TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY AND WE WORKING N THE MATTER MY HUSBAND NOW TALKS TO ME BUT STILL NOT ALLOWED TO STAY WITH ME UNTIL THE SECOND SPELL OF MARRIAGE IS DONE .IM HAPPIER NOW .+27613391778 HER NUMBER
The only way to have a good relationship is if you demand a good relationship from him. If you don’t and give him everything he wants in an attempt to get him back, you’re sabotaging the relationship and destroying your chances with him. Not to mention, completely undervaluing yourself, which will deeply impact your self-esteem. Now I don’t mean you say, “Give me a good relationship or else!” It’s not an actual demand. You “demand” it by being a woman of value, by being a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to walk away if she’s not getting it. You don’t have to say anything at all, it just comes across.
Unfortunately, the weather was terrible. I was racking my brain as to what to do, with where we were at, we couldn’t just hang in and watch Netflix. We made pancakes for breakfast. Mountain bikes has been a topic of discussion lately so I suggested we go take a look at a local shop. Then we went to say hi to his mom who lives nearby and hung out with her for a little while. The whole time, he just acted distant. We went home and he laid down on the couch and put a blanket over his head while I got started with dinner. After a little while, he said he needed to go for a drive and that he would be back in an hour. I couldn’t believe it. What had I done to make him fall out of love with me this quickly? Then I realized it wasn’t me, it was him.
If you see that there is a chance of you getting back together, take things easy. Do not rush him else you risk putting him off. It’s best to leave him desiring you more and more. Withhold a little from him every time. After about 4 to 5 meetings and he hasn’t said anything. You can apologize to him for the bad things you said or did during your breakup. You can tell him that you love him and you want him back.
Now I have a new relationship with my old boyfriend! I would even say that we have a real relationship now! Before, we would only spend time together, he never gave me flowers, unless it was Valentine’s Day, or took me out. Now, we go out to eat and to the movies, much like a real couple! He always pays for me, often brings me flowers and gifts (toys, anime stuff and other small, but cute things). My friends are jealous I have such a perfect boyfriend.
my relationship was of 2.5 years.its been two months(breakup).reason was that i was saying him to take breakup because he was busy two three days.it was like three breakups in a week and then patchups becuz of me.i was always do this brkup dialouge when i was quarrelling with him.this time it gets serious.he is saying that there are 6-7 years to our marriage.it cannot get to the marriage like this.i am also an introvert type.this is also a little problem.my relation is long distant.we didnt meet.means breakup was on watsapp.
Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke ip 1 month ago. I am 27 and he is 26. He is in the coast guard and he lives in Maryland and I am in NYC. We have been LDR since the beginning, but he only joined the Coast Guard 1 year ago. I have been doing No Contact for 3 weeks now. He was the one who broke up with me and after we broke up he was texting me days afterward nice and positive text messages. Since I have started NC he hasn’t reached out via text but still like some of my stuff on Social Media and is looking at it. We broke up because he felt like he loved me but wasn’t as in love with me anymore and that maybe we were on 2 different paths. He also said “maybe we can get back together one day. My parents got back together after they broke up,” my question is is 30 days of NC good enough or should I go longer? I have been making positive changes in my life, but since things ended so positively I have been confused.
Hi i just broke up with my bf and he came back and say sorry swear to change but i totally shut him off I'm still ego than i realize that i need him over everything. And I'm begging him this time but he already had a rebound love. I came to him and he said he love me things could change if i admit earlier. Cause he said he cant leave that girl bcs he isnt that type of man that leave girl when he already give hope. But before i go back he give me a ring. And i dont know how to react. And he even contact ne until now. Saying if i found someone new and have i still wearing the ring. I was like, what's the point all of this? Do he love me still or not. And i dont understand what should i do. I want him back but I'm not sure what to do. So pls help 😭
Plus, it gives you the time to get past the initial unbearable phase of missing him and into a more even-tempered, secure mentality. Instead of trying to figure out signs your ex still loves you, you’ll be working on yourself and getting yourself into a better mindset. It gives you the space to say, “I don’t need him to be happy – I can be happy all on my own”.
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I actually disagree with this perspective. In general, I think women should absolutely try to be happy and stop torturing themselves about the “what ifs”…but not for other men to be impressed (who gives a sh*t what other people think). Happiness is something a person can work on for themselves. Take this from a person who’s anxious often by nature. (I’ll drink a cup of coffee and the next thing I know I’ll be having a panic attack). I can’t always control how I feel , but I can have control over how I think…and that eventually does influence my moods.
Hi Andrea….its OK, we all make mistakes after a breakup. I don’t know anyone that has not. Are you following the plan I lay out in my ebooks? It is good to have a comprehensive blueprint to help you along. I think the best way to go on is to go forward in focusing your own healing and having a plan. He seems a little testy right now. In the No Contact Rule Book (ebook I wrote), I talk all about how the whole process works and if it is worth staying in it longer or stopping it sooner. Go check it out if you feel you can use a helpful guide!
Thanks for your article, this makes so much sense. I just went through bad time where after a three months break requested by my boyfriend, he decided he was not sure he wanted to resume our relationship. I cut all contact. I needed to re-organize my life, rethink my situation and create a back-up plan. Since, I am trying to organize to get my stuff out of his place as we were staying together. He does not answer my messages, I don’t know what to do. I have to dride 14 hours to get to his place so I can’t just knock on the door. First of all, I don’t understand what happened as I really thought we were sole mates. Then, why is he acting so distant and non-cooperative. It hurts. I try to be realistic and independent but my heart is broken in so many small pieces.
Hi there, I have been reading tons of advice you guys offer to permanently get your ex back and recently me and my ex broke up 1 year and 8 months into the relationship. We broke up because she said that I didn't love myself, which I realize this now because I had so many insecurities that caused the energy between us to go downhill with my jealousy, trust issues, and depression. I realize all of mistakes now but the 1st week after our breakup I was super needy and desperate, I would contact her and make up lies to just see what she was doing and just to talk to her. I have recently started the no contact with her hoping that maybe she will miss me when she is wondering what I am up to. She told me that I need to move on and just do things that I wouldn't be able to do in relationship such as flirt with other girls, go to certain type of parties, talk to my friends constantly and to just have fun period. She says she has faith with us but she has no idea when she will feel ready to go back into a relationship with me. She also said I have to move on and let go and come back when I have a chance, "To let the bird fly away and if it's meant to be then the bird will fly back." I am just worried because from the looks of it she has already moved on, went to three parties already, and I know she is talking to this guy. I accept that she is doing all of this because I know she just wants to have fun because I used to be manipulative and controlling. I know all of my mistakes now and during this no contact period I want to work on myself and love myself. I accept the fact that if my ex don't want to get back together that I shouldn't sweat about it because I will find someone else, but she has made such a huge impact in my life that I just simply choose to be with her. She simply made me happy but I didn't make her happy. What could I do to fix all of this and perhaps start a new relationship in the future. I wont see her for 8 months because I will be in the army then after that I will be attending the same college as her. I hope that by the time I come back she will be single and had the fun she wanted to have so I can talk to her about giving us another chance. Thank you for you time.
Given the length and seriousness of your relationship, there's definitely still a chance. You just have to give him some time to let go of the compiled negative emotions he may be dealing with right now that translates into resentment towards you. In the meantime, it's best for you to also spend some time addressing the aspects of the relationship that you contributed in turning it sour, and improve on those aspects, so that when either him or you reaches out down the road, these changes you've made gives him a good reason to come back. Our EBP Advanced System will go into depth and teach you how to deal with these issues and pick yourself up emotionally once more, so that you come out stronger. It will also teach you how to proceed with your actions in order to win him back and the changes you need to be addressing in order to make things work.
before my ex and I started dating we spoke for three years with out meeting one another ,and developed a deep connection , speaking sun rise to sun set , hr long phone calls , after three years we finally met and started dating , we dated for a year . we broke up about 7days ago . We broke up because he said that I was disrespectful and always had a negativity frequency. He blocked me on what'sap . I called him tonight to speak to him about our break up and trying to work on things , he said no and wants to remain broken up because his given me plenty of chances in the past , he loves me but he thinks I'm never going to change . its his birthday in a couple of days , do I send him a birthday text ?? also before putting down th phone I asked him if he could unblock me on whatsap he said no , I can contact him via phone call or text ... I'm more confused them EVER ! what should I do ?
Remember that whatever you're going through now to pick yourself up, if you try winning her back as well, you're going to end up subconsciously dumping your emotional needs and baggage on her which would probably cause her stress and unhappiness. If you want ot win her back, you should do so when you're at good place emotionally and mentally. It doesn't matter if she moves on right now, because if you have genuinely worked on yourself and improved aspects of your life, you'd still stand a chance to win her over down the road.
When I came the next day after crying myself to sleep he was painting in the backyard I did it all by myself, he eventually came in I said I was done he said OK bye, walked me to the door said bye with a blank stare and closed the door behind me. It was cold, I have been so broken ever since. I haven’t tried calling or getting a hold of him, but I am best friends with his sister, and am incredibly close to all his relatives. I have talked to his sister, and his aunt\uncle…huge mistakes cause they told him:/ I didn’t want him to know but I know I was taking a chance. I also spoke with his best friend’s girlfriend which we aren’t close but I thought I could confined in her and ask her not to tell his best friend…yeah he told him. His sister told me…I am beyond broken. I’ve cried everyday, I get anxiety attacks and can barley sleep.
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Hi Lauren- I broke up with my ex the night before he was moving out of state (not cool, I know). I needed some time to figure things out and work on myself. I want to try again. I wrote him an apology for ending things the way I did 2.5 weeks ago with no response (he also did not respond to a simple email about his mail 1 month ago). Is it still a good idea to send the "I want to try again" letter? I'm at a loss what to do. Our relationship was not bad, but he was pulling away and I didn't know what to do so I ran. He seems either angry or distant or not wanting to engage and since it has been 2 months I'm not sure how much more time I should give this. I feel like we could have something wonderful given another chance (I have the tools now but I'm not sure he is ready to try). Do I call and say it? Send a letter? Send an email? Do nothing? I am in CA and he is in MO so meeting would be hard, but I would be willing to go out there for a weekend. I really want to try but I don't know what to do... If he doesn't want to try I will accept that and move on. Carrie...
We dated for over 8 months. Everything seemed like we were going in a good direction. We both introduced each other to family. Which is huge and serious. But one day after a small argument he tells me that we should break up. Out of the blue. Said that he’s feelings for me changed that he didn’t see us in the future that we should be friends. I think that he has commitment issues since he’s never been able to keep a long relationship before me. We always made it a joke and now that joke has me hurting. Last time I talk to him we had a civil conversation where I kinda pleaded to him that we should try some mire that things can work. He said give him time to think and that he’ll text me. It’s been a week. What’s going through his mind? What should I do? Is it over for good? Did he tell me he’ll think about it just to be nice? Will he ever come back?
He says that he was not comfortable being at his trueself with me. we were in a relationship for 3 years and now he says this.He's way too inconsistent about his thoughts and gives a list of reasons for the break up and he wants to be only FRIEDS with me at least for a while. it's been almost 4 months since we broke up, I've been pleading him all this while and today I decided to Start No Contact period for at least 2 - 3 months until December. Kindly help me in getting him back. I'm very much serious about this guy.Also please Suggest me if i'm doing it right.