Hi Jordan (I love our name!)…so that is quite a story. Thank you for sharing it with me. You seem like a really special girl, so I have no doubt that whatever happens, you are going to land on your feet! By the way, you are an excellent writer. Consider keeping a journal about what you are feeling and thinking as it will be a good outlet and can be very therapeutic. I do think its worth exploring this relationship further and by implementing NC, it gives you both a chance to experience some healing and find some balance and draw closer to your deepest feelings. If you haven’t already picked up a copy of my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, you should because it is massive and full of ideas, tactics, strategies for how to get through a breakup and come out the other side as well as optimizing your chances. Just go to my website Menu and click on “Products” and you will find all my ebooks and other resources. Let me know things go Jordan!
So me and my ex were together two years ago (long distance) we broke up & (we have children together also) we spoke on getting back tougher but his job took him overseas for about a year so fast forward things were seeming like err been on the right track .. we spoke on vacations, plans & etc … than after a weekend together he says he really thought about it but he don’t think we will work out because we are two different people … he never said he wasn’t in love with me but that he is vegan i’m Not & that he wants to move to a different t state in a year or two & I want to wait 3-4 (don’t want to move with no job lined up) and that he wants someone who on the same page as him (we haven’t had in depth conversations since before he left & he doesn’t realize that I now want to move sooner than later… we have kids so I know the NC rule might be hard but they have their own phones and was just like if we need to speak I can do it through them or is that unfair … my friends say it seems like he is scared of breaking up again
"Typically, when a relationship ends, there may be pain, sadness, or negative feelings on one side or both," says Dr. Amie Harwick, MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in West Hollywood. "When considering getting back with an ex, one must consider if they can work through the differences." And while we can’t directly tell you which are good reasons to get back together with an ex, it's a smart idea to consider why you got together with this person in the first place. Are those the reasons you want them back? Do they outweigh the reasons why you broke up? Then there may be reasons to proceed.
My question is this my relationship ended about 5 months ago, I found out he was texting a girl he worked with and that they had been texting back and forth for about a month I think. I saw a text that said good morning baby how was your night. My X and I lived together for 3 year but we had been together for 10 plus years. He has in the past cheated on me more times than I can count but I did know about 3 others women for the past 15 years together. I am 12 years older than he is. the words he said to me when this all came to a head one night of his revealing that he loves me but he did not love me the way that I loved him, and that he never thought of me of marring me but that I was and would all way’s be nothing more than his girl friend. But that he does love me, and that he was concerned about my age even when he knew I was 12 years older than he was, and he is having problems with it.
Talk to his friends. If you have mutual friends or if his friends would be willing to talk to you without telling your ex about it, consider asking them what they think the chances are that your ex would want to get back together with you. They are more likely than you to know if he has a new girlfriend or if he's dying to get back together with you.
I have been wondering how to make him love me again, realise he made a mistake and give a second chance. It is even harder as he is in another country. Plus, I really don’t think the NC rule would work on him, because I have been the one who asks question in our relationship, who kept the conversation going when we lived apart for a few weeks. I believe if i implement it now, it will just give him the opportunity to move on, to forget me, because he has a lot going on otherwise (studies, friends, handball, parties…). Did i also ruin my chances by begging for it so much?
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Stop trying to get your ex back if the relationship was toxic or abusive. It might feel temporarily lonely or even boring to be on your own after the end of a tumultuous relationship, but try to ride that feeling out instead of going back to your ex. On again, off again relationships tend to be based on unhealthy patterns that won't go away. Resist the temptation to jump right back in when you know you're better off without him.
honestly I did not show appreciation to my ex while we together. I missed valentines day and his birthday. when I decided to make the best of times with him it was to late. then I asked him for closure and he came talked in person. I told what if I got therapy because there is something going on that effects my relationships. he told its been three weeks and I’m over you….. I cried of course then looked at him and said I feel better. just got sick of being sad, doesn’t mean I’m over him. but its step. then I told me what was really going on and told he’s proud of me said I’m strong person and good girl. he told me to feel free to talk to him and said he wont be jerk to me. he also wants to improve. it sucks that I was to occupied with other stuff in life that i didn’t learn to understand him but oh well. that doesn’t mean has feelings for me. sadly I cant live in world that revolves around him I must create my own world and keeping living up to my goals. this relationship may have been painful but helped realize what I need. we are blind from pain because only look at the bad qualities that it brings us but we all need realize its actually beautiful because it shapes us. I’m going to embrace it this break up..
Hey! I can relate, BUT rather prefer to choose to be happy. Although it’s hard at first, but once you get the hang of it, it’ll be a breeze. Just a few suggestions…try smiling no matter what, even if you feel phony at first, just DO IT! Nike says that. Then sing happy songs with positive lyrics that make you happy, like “Wistle a Happy Tune”, “Singing In the Rain”, “My Favorite Things”, “Something Good”, etc., anything to focus your mind on positive things. Then surround yourself with people who truly love and accept who you are, basically HAPPY AND POSITIVE. Please do yourself this favor. And start saying good things to yourself. Appreciate, love, and accept yourself the way God created you: beautiful, whole, naturally warm and happy person. Good-luck and stay happy the rest of your life… ;)
What does it mean when….. I said I want things over as I don’t think he’s in right place for a relationship (and he agreed) and I explained I wasn’t happy that things weren’t progressing, not enough respect etc…..he came back asking if I’d met someone and if I change my mind to talk to him again; I replied that I am opening myself up to dating again as there’s no real commitment with us; and that I think things would need to be different for me to explore more with him (as I don’t want casual or to be a texting buddy)….he then said in a midnight text ‘me too, about your honesty’ (which confuses me?) and I haven’t heard from him for over a week…and then not long after he accepted my long outstanding Facebook friend request (with friends/photos not accessible)……I don’t know what to read from that? And I’ve not contacted further.
Hi,me and my ex were in a long distance relationship for more than a year .then we suddenly he seemed to be less interested in communicating.he said he started liking a girl there,and i couldn't do much about it. We still keep contact but as he have a very busy career.He told me that things are not the same now snd he does not feel the same love for me and that i am not his kinda girl.
Here’s the thing about relationships — they require another person with their own opinions and feelings. "I also like to get my clients to appreciate that your ex is a free agent," Engler says. And your former flame’s ideas about the breakup may not match your own. "You need to give your former partner space to make a decision," says Stubbs. "You have to respect their autonomy in regards to their feelings and timeframe." In other words, while you may have easily come to the realization that you can’t live without them, they may not have the same feelings about you.
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My ex broke up with me 8 months ago. The reason he broke up with me was because he said I was immature and I didn’t take him seriously. So when he broke up with me we didn’t talk until and like 4 days later I found out he was dating his ex again. So we completely stop talking to each other until one day my parents and I went to his house (my parents and his parents get along very well). He was acting so nice to my parents but he didn’t say a word until I got a message from him and he was apologizing about everything he did and of course I forgave him. So that day we were talking again and when we were talking out of no where he hugged me and that made me get a lot of flash backs of us together. After the hug he kissed me so we kissed and then I asked him what we were and he said whatever I wanted and I said we can try this again if you want. After I left his house we were still talking and I decided to ask him about his ex. He told him he still had feelings for her and I asked why he was with me and he told me because I reminded him of when he and the girl started dating supposedly I was being like her. I got really mad and we broke again. But we still talked cause we ended up being friends. One time when we were talking he told me that he regrets breaking up with me. But the next day he didn’t talk to me again. We lasted for a very long time without talking but I noticed that every time he and the girl broke up he will talk to me. So I got tired of that and didn’t talk to him no more. I decided I needed to move on but it took me along time since I still have really strong feelings for and even when I got a boyfriend I still had feelings for him. Barely this passed Saturday I saw him again. It was so awkward my mom noticed that he was really nervous when he saw me and that he was looking at me. I wanted to cry so bad because I remembered all our dates and every single time we said i love you’s. And I thought I was over him but I’m still not I still love him with all my heart. What can I do to get back with my ex???
How To Get Over A Cheating Ex Boyfriend
I feel in love with my colleague of 2 years. We were super compatible in every way, we were never apart and both of us were crazy in love with each other. We were in a super serious committed relationship for three years. However gradually I felt that he was drifting apart and there was nothing I could have done to get his attention back. It felt like something was broken in our relationship which could not be fixed. One day he just left a note saying it was over and left without a word. I knew it was coming but I was devastated. I was a mess and begged him to come back saying that we will make it work but he did not budge. I did everything in my power for one year but he just stopped responding all together. I am a data scientist but I am so desperate that I even tried magic spells, prayers, and even hypnosis because I felt so lonely without him by my side but it just did not work and in the process I realized most of these services were a big fat scam. After a lot of research I came across a telepath-they are people who can connect with a human mind remotely to implant thoughts in their mind. It sounded unrealistic but I had nothing to loose so I gave it a shot not expecting any results. The telepath clearly told me upfront that she could implant thought in my ex’s mind to come back to me but since he was stubborn it would take months for it to work .I went with it.
What if she is back in this “i dont want a relationship right now” ideal again, due to my familiar outburst that brought her back to where I was before. I assume I should work on rebuilding attraction? And only texting her little by little and not all the time like we already were? Make her miss me some more? How exactly should I approach after reaching out again after a week or two?
Every relationship is a power struggle. It may not sound very good to hear and you may not agree but that’s how I see it. You can believe in love, compassion and valuing your partner and still understand that at some point it becomes a power struggle between you and the person you love; in order to live out a type of relationship that mirrors who you are and your values.
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I’m really heart broken and confused. Me and my now ex boyfriend met off an app two years and a couple months ago. He lived in a different state so it was long distance for a couple of months at the beginning. We were head over heels crazy for each other. He actually decided to move states to where I was so we could be closer. We met up and saw each other in person and things were even better. Me and him made promises and plans for the future, just loving every minute of it. This was my first real relationship and his longest. All his passed relationship ended horribly, all the girls he’s ever dated has cheated on him or treated him badly. So with my lack of experiences relationships and his horrible ones, our relationship took a twist on things. He was very insecure when we first met, he didn’t want me going places or doing things and he always freaked out if I didn’t text him back in a few minutes. I thought it was a little extreme at first but I loved the attention and everything else with it. I started to think that relationships were suppose to be that way, having to know where that person is and what they are doing… just putting all their attention on you. A year went by and we were still in our happy honeymoon stage of our relationship, but some things started to change. He started to become more confident in himself and wanting more space and his own time. This was all great but in my eyes at the time I thought that this is him becoming more board of me and wanting me less. While his confidence grew mine started to become smaller. The more I pulled him in the more he pushed away. We started to fight and he started to lie and keep things from me. One morning he decided to end things on April the 29th which seemed like it was just out of no where. With this break up I’ve had a big realizations that I need to let him have his guy time, that giving him space isn’t pushing each other away it’s brining us actually closer. One of my other mistakes is not letting the passed go and just bringing them up in fights like ammo. I told him that I’m really sorry and that I’d change these things, that I understand where he is coming from. I also told him if he needed a break to just have time for himself and go visit his family to figure things out that we could do that too. He said no to all of my options. He said that it’s not going to work the whole time he couldn’t give me answers or even look at me in the eyes and just started crying his eyes out. My heart is broken, I can’t sleep, eat, or dink, even my own family is starting to become worried. I haven’t spoken to him since or tried to contact him in anyways. My brother and my ex boyfriend live in the same apartment together. My brother keeps telling me how much of a wreak he is and how he’s afraid to leave him alone. My brother said when I left the apartment after he broke it off with me that my ex just started blowing up his phone with messages saying how he’s on the kitchen floor crying in pain and doesn’t want to be left alone. My ex told my brother that it’s like that saying “You don’t know what you have tell it gone.” I’m just really confused…it’s obvious he still loves me and he’s going threw a hard time too. All I want is my boyfriend back, I gave that boy everything, he was my best friend. I just don’t understand how this could of happened, I really could use some advice and insight on my situation.
You’d be shocked at how quickly a guy gets his act together when there’s a woman he wants that he thinks he’ll lose if he doesn’t get his sh*t together. A lot of women don’t see this, though, because instead of staying single until they’re clearly, totally and unambiguously in a full-on defined relationship with a guy, they accept his excuses and wait around thinking that somehow he’ll just all of a sudden want a relationship with them (even though he knows the woman isn’t going to leave him)
Hi Lauren- I broke up with my ex the night before he was moving out of state (not cool, I know). I needed some time to figure things out and work on myself. I want to try again. I wrote him an apology for ending things the way I did 2.5 weeks ago with no response (he also did not respond to a simple email about his mail 1 month ago). Is it still a good idea to send the "I want to try again" letter? I'm at a loss what to do. Our relationship was not bad, but he was pulling away and I didn't know what to do so I ran. He seems either angry or distant or not wanting to engage and since it has been 2 months I'm not sure how much more time I should give this. I feel like we could have something wonderful given another chance (I have the tools now but I'm not sure he is ready to try). Do I call and say it? Send a letter? Send an email? Do nothing? I am in CA and he is in MO so meeting would be hard, but I would be willing to go out there for a weekend. I really want to try but I don't know what to do... If he doesn't want to try I will accept that and move on. Carrie...
I accept that the break-up was the best decision as it served as the revelation I needed to get therapy. I have finally been diagnosed and am receiving help for my mental illness. I love him, genuinely, and I want to start a new, healthy relationship with him but he was so angry and hurt when I last spoke to him, and I'm afraid that he won't respond to me if I reach out after 'no contact' or allow me to show him my progress... It kills me that I've hurt him so badly, he means so much to me and has done so much to help me.
A lot of people in your position go completely off of the deep end when faced with an unwanted breakup. They turn into stalkers, obsessively checking their ex-boyfriend’s Facebook profile, showing up at his home or office, sending dozens (if not hundreds) of text messages, compulsively calling him whenever it strikes their fancy. The list is endless, and all of these behaviors need to be avoided at all costs – no matter how tempted you are to conform. These negative behavior patterns are unhealthy for him – and for you – and they’re going to make the road to reconciliation even more challenging, if not impossible.
Ok sorry about how long this is going to be. So my ex and I were together for about 3 months and while that may be short it was great and we were both very happy. Unfortunately she started stressing because she was afraid of committing to a relationship. I also started stressing because she has lots of guy friends and she was hanging out with one a lot but now i know theres nothing between them. So after I started noticing that she was distancing herself so after a month of her distancing herself I asked what was going on and I asked for better communication. Then she said that we should just be friends and I was upset by this. A lot lol. So first week or 2 I was really upset and she could tell. After that I did NC for 2 weeks. After that I texted her a bit and got a very positive response, but after I realized I really wasn't ready to talk to her again so I did NC a week later for a month. During that NC she tried to talk 3 times and at the end of the month her best friend texted me and told me that she was really upset that I wasn't talking to her. So later that day my ex contacted me and said she was really upset and she missed me. So after that we started talking again and it was great for the next 2 months but eventually I started stressing because I over think all the time. She asked what was wrong and I broke and told her I really missed us being together and I understood that she probably didn't feel the same. After that I realized I hadn't really changed in the past few months so I did NC again this time for 2 months and I read your articles. She only contacted me once to say happy birthday but that's not important. After NC i did the elephant in the room and we are now talking again every day for hours. She regularly makes physical contact (playfully) and she really likes talking and hanging out with me. I'm just confused and I need help. I don't know what to do. I know she still really cares about me but she probably doesn't feel ready for a relationship still. What do I do now? Thanks and sorry for making this so long
Males can sometimes have this tendency where we internalize our thoughts and emotions too much, that something may be bothering him but he never said it out, and in the end only acted upon his feelings without really giving you a chance to explain or understand what was going through his mind. Perhaps you could ask him and try to find out what it is, and whether its something that can be worked on together.
You also need to avoid displaying your vulnerability in the form of begging, pleading or bargaining your way back into your ex-boyfriend’s heart. You can’t guilt-trip him into giving you a second chance at your romance. A desperate ex-girlfriend isn’t attractive to anyone, least of all your ex-boyfriend. Guys simply don’t like emotional reactions to things, and they’ll want to keep their distance from you as much as possible. This clearly isn’t going to help you win back his heart if he’s keeping you at arm’s length.
I wish i was strong enough to follow these steps. I feel so lost. My fiance cheated & got her pregnant, right after i miscarried. I didnt even know i was pregnant & when it happened I had just found out about her & she was 4months along. He says he loves me & was stupid & ruined everything & i deserve better,but he has no choice but to stay with her to raise the baby even if he doesnt want to. He says its life & he has to deal with his mistakes. I can never be with him but we have known each other for over 20 yrs & i miss my friend, he wont talk to me & the last time we did he looked at the ground the whole time, just saying hes a pc of crap & he ruined our life & our family. I know hes unhappy, i can feel it in my soul & im sure everyone thonks im nuts, but i honestly believe hes hating his life. I love him so much & i can never be with him again after such betrayal but will he ever forgive himsrlf & come back, i miss my friend so much & it hurts me to know hes unhappy & its very painful he wont talk to me.
The best way for two people to maintain a bond over a long period of time is for them to have projects together. You can start off with aiming to buy or to build a house, you can envision having kids together, what you will name them and how you intend to raise them; but I would like you to focus on something even deeper, something that will enable you both to really dream further together.
Last week my boyfriend told me that he needed time to “think about us” because he wasn’t sure if my family would accept him, this was 2 days after he repeatedly told me he loved me and that he would make an effort to be a better boyfriend. Initially when he told me this I said my piece and explained to him that he was hurting me by shutting me out, but the following days I didn’t contact him and he didn’t contact me. On the 5th day I decided that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with a man who wasn’t sure about being with me. So I sent him a text stating I wanted to pick up my belongings and that I would come by after work the following day to retrieve them. The next day I contacted him to make sure he was home, he wanted me to stop by later than I planned, but I told him I wanted to get my things as soon as possible and be done. My exact words, he agreed to meet me and said he would be there when I arrived. I walked in his place grabbed my things didn’t say a word accept thank you when he handed me my shades and walked out without even looking at him. I deleted his number and unfriended him on facebook before I drove out the parking lot. I showed zero emotion but they truth is I’m really hurt because I loved him. I would be open to getting back together with him. I have been on a date since we broke up and another man is presently pursuing me(he has stated he wants a relationship) and I am rejecting him because I still have feelings for my ex. Did my actions drive him away for good, ( he knows I unfriended him because he blocked me) I don’t know if the No Contact rule will work with him because he uses the silent treatment himself. I will NEVER initiate contact with him because my pride simply won’t allow it. However, is there anyway to know he wants me back?
I have to admit I have been doing all this ever since the last time u email me, not only you but my closest friends told me the same thing and I still didn’t listen until yesterday I had a conversation with two people I trust the most and remember what he said and did and decided that that was it. Sadly I still see him at work but I will listen and follow everyone’s advice. Finally!! ????????
He opened an instagram account, which he never did before and it really feels like I lost all chances Ive ever had. His life is going great. He's rebuilding himself and really succeeds at everything. He has so much girls around him now and I am the last thing he could ever think about. I tried to text him since, tried to send some "positive texts" to remind him of how great it was, but he went really cold and distant. I am really despaired. It has been already 3 months. Our birthdays are coming. Mine is on the 31st August and his on september 1st. And I just feel so crushed. I have no idea how am i going to spend it... While hes gonna go with all his friends which hate me and are so happy we broke up!
But going through difficulties is what gets us in touch with who we are and what we’re made of. This sort of growth and self-discovery is invaluable. Breaking through that feeling of “I won’t be able to survive without him” and then discovering that you can will make you realize how strong you are, and as a result, will help build your self-esteem and give you that amazing “I can get through anything” feeling.
Eventually he told me he can not stand it anymore and although he loves me he cant be with me. So we didnt talk for 2 days, and then he wrote me that Im the love if his life and he wont give up on this. But I decided to take a step back cuz it hurt me. So I told him we need to do the talk and decide what we are gonna do. After 2 weeks we finally did it and had a big fight. Then we decided to try again. So we met again and it just led to nowhere. We went in circles, could not even find a place to go to do the talk because of my stubbornness and his lack of understanding...
Getting back together with the one you love will require you to think outside the box and give serious consideration to what you can do to prove to your ex that you have evolved. If you keep doing the same things that you were doing during your relationship, and if you try to communicate with your ex in the same way; how can you reasonably expect a different outcome?
So my question is this. He is going to be living 3 hours from me and I won’t be in contact with with anyone that he talks to and I have been advised of doing the no contact rule. I’m not sure of how I feel about the no contact rule because regardless of our relationship status, I care very deeply about him and I have for the 15 years I have known him and vice versa. I can’t imagine not being there for him during such a hard time in his life. We are both the type of people who are not into mind games and are honest no matter what and act honestly. Anyways, if no contact is something you also advise,then it’s worth a shot. But with him and me, we are what we are no matter the status or title. Ok now for my question, if I am not talking to him, how is he going to find out Im on the market? Do I tell him myself because there is no other way he would know. I highly doubt if I am casually dating someone, their picture is going to end up on my facebook lol. What do you think?
btw I got stuck in this funny situation I don’t know if it’s possible but can you or your staff delete my comment stating my story ( on august 19, 2018) ? A friend of mine is suggesting this site for me and I’m too afraid that she may read my comment here she will instantly know it’s me .. Im so totally busted if that happens hahahaha pretty please help mee all of my NC plan will go to nothing if this happen cause she’s pretty close to my ex and I can’t really trust her mouth LOL..
Hello, My GF of 3 months just broke up with me. We really liked each other, but I made a mistake of kissing another girl 2 weeks into college. She's back home and I think she just started seeing someone. I really like this girl is there any way I could potentially get back with her? I'm assuming she has lost all trust in me and since I'm miles away at college that she will easily forget about me, but I don't really know.
It seems that he is emotionally immature at this stage and is acting upon his emotions at that point which has caused him to switch between the two of you over and over. The fact that both parties have been readily available for him whenever he feels like this only serves to strengthen his thought that he is able to come back whenever he wants to. I would suggest actually limiting all contact with him and and properly going through no contact this time around so that the 'idea' that he isn't always going to get his way may hit him and that he starts to think clearer on who he actually has feelings for.
Good question! There really are so many angles to cover in this day and age. I guess technically opening a snapchat doesn’t count as making “contact,” but I also just don’t think it’s a good idea. I also recognize how hard it is to fight the temptation and not open it. So my advice would be to send him a quick message if he sends you snapchats being like, “I really need some time for myself right now and would appreciate it if you wouldn’t contact me,” and then don’t respond further if he does keep reaching out. And if you can be really strong, then ignore the snapchats. Hope this helps!
“These notes have been repeatedly cited as corroboration even while written 30 years after the alleged event and in apparent contradiction with testimony and other public statements regarding several key details of the allegations, including when the alleged attack occurred, how many individuals were present in the bedroom in which the attack was alleged to have occurred, and how many individuals attended the party,” Grassley noted.
I was in 2 years long relationship with my ex, including one year of long distance. He broke up with me 3 months ago saying he is not ready for commitment and settle in one year because it was supposed to be one year longer the long distance relationship. We had some fights lately, due to lack of contact it was hard to catch him, I wasnt my best too I was picking on him sometimes when it was no needed. I tried to win him back but he didnt want to. We dont speak for over a month now and soon will be my birthday. I find out on social media that he is licking some girls face and that they are cooking together. What should I do? Can I still win him back? I know what mistakes I made and I was in process of chagning myself but I dont know if should I reach to him? What was the actual reason, he said he is not ready but he is clearly making connection with this girl.
Over the past 4 months, we’ve hung out every weekend, although I’m always the one to initiate communication and making plans. When we’re together, the intimacy is there and It’s like we’re a couple again. He never texts or calls- unless he’s replying to my texts and he takes hours or days to respond. I feel if I never contacted him, I’d never her from him again and it’s strange because he doesn’t seem to have an issue making plans to hang out and stick with them in advance.
I dated someone for 2 1/2 years and it suddenly ended last week. He said I’m his best friend and he loves me deeply but there was a disconnect and he isn’t sure why. Said some things from the past concern him and it was time to move forward or let go. He said wasn’t sure if his feelings would come back and it wasn’t fair to him or me. He said he doesn’t have a negative word to describe me and he doesn’t understand it. Said if somethings meant to be it will be. He’s now going to therapy to work through his communication issues and commitment fears. As am I for my self worth.